Tuesday, December 20, 2011

PAT visit


So, I have the coolest Parents As Teachers (PAT) Educator - not only is she a previous Speech Language Pathologist (and you all know how super cool we are, right?), she is a hip and understanding mama!  She came out the other morning for a visit w/my little 2 yr old Bea bopper.  As I opened the door to let her in, I apologized for my tired, haggard no-makeup face as I sheepishly admitted to being in recovery from enjoying some home brew and fine wine w/friends the previous eve-I get out so infrequently, that I stayed out until nearly 2am!
Nothing like admitting you're hungover, no matter how delicately I tried to word it, to the government employee who is coming into your home to discuss the progress of your minor child!!

Side note - she is so cool that my teen daughter (who was 12 at the time) dressed up as a PAT instructor to trick the kids at playgroup one day!

My hubs had expected me around 11 and he was planning on staying up until midnight to order the restocked supply of V-Tech's Innotab for Christmas so that I could go to bed.  Well.....needless to say, I roused (sorry to him there is no letter "a" in front of the previous word) him when I tried to get in the locked garage door.  I don't believe he kissed me goodnight!  

Just before the visit, little B announces she needs to poo.  I sit her on the potty, saying "I don't want to change a poopy diaper."  Her reply "daddy do it when he gets home."  Maybe I should've gone w/that...but let's just say - thank god that BM went into the pot!!!

Anywho....back to the PAT visit (sheesh - any of you who know me probably see I type in the same manner I speak - rambling...).  So, after listening to me whine about how pooped & crummy I felt, Miss PAT whips out Hi Ho Cherry-O, asking if we play board games at home.   I'm sure we did ... over the summer.... once.  Does the Wii Just Dance count?  B/C we did get that out the other day (which, btw, I kicked buttocks on the Jackson Five moves-I TOTALLY want a wig & retro clothes for christmas to complete the look).  

Then we talk about the teen and how I feel she always gets the short end of the stick, as we are always doing "little kid" stuff.  So, she mentioned she always used bedtime to sit on her daughter's bed & talk to her after the others were tucked in.  Funny she mentioned that.  Last night, I did just that.  My 13 yr old's reply "get off my bed - you know I hate it when you do that - just close my closet door on your way out mom."  Yea-great bonding moment.  Turd.

As Miss PAT has also been my educator w/my now 5 yr old & knows what crummy sleepers we raise, she asked how little B was sleeping.  If I'm lucky, she stays quiet until about 5am, then I lug her soggy diapered booty in bed next to me.  Listening to the suck-suck-SUCK of the binky in my ear & the whacking of my chest, head, etc. by her arm & the incessant hand down the shirt.

It becomes time for the PAT lady to leave.  I follow her out, yakking at her all the way to her car, when I hear the door shut AND lock.  All I can see is a bit of blonde tuft thru the door window.  She bolts and just looks at me.  There is no other way in at this point.  Sweetness led to time out threats, then the door was unlocked.  Turd.

Onto lunch.  I do the ol' Chef Boyardee standby.  This heating up of canned item does not take long.  Yet, in this short span, said turd girl has removed a potted plant, dumping dirt all over the table, bench, & floor.  After I grump & growl about that & get it cleaned up (long after the ding of the micro), I see she has tried to "re-plant" a few of the leaves in her applesauce next to the plant!!  Ok, so maybe that part was kind of cute.  Kind of and maybe.

And, to top it all off, I failed to put a diaper on her after the potty poo, and she peed in her cute little pants and onto the carpet.  Thank GOD it's naptime!!!