PAT visit

So, I have the coolest Parents As Teachers (PAT) Educator - not only is she a previous Speech Language Pathologist (and you all know how super cool we are, right?), she is a hip and understanding mama!  She came out the other morning for a visit w/my little 2 yr old Bea bopper.  As I opened the door to let her in, I apologized for my tired, haggard no-makeup face as I sheepishly admitted to being in recovery from enjoying some home brew and fine wine w/friends the previous eve-I get out so infrequently, that I stayed out until nearly 2am!

Nothing like admitting you're hungover, no matter how delicately I tried to word it, to the government employee who is coming into your home to discuss the progress of your minor child!!

Side note - she is so cool that my teen daughter (who was 12 at the time) dressed up as a PAT instructor to trick the kids at playgroup one day!

My hubs had expected me around 11 and he was planning on staying up until midnight to order the restocked supply of V-Tech's Innotab for Christmas so that I could go to bed.  Well.....needless to say, I roused (sorry to him there is no letter "a" in front of the previous word) him when I tried to get in the locked garage door.  I don't believe he kissed me goodnight!  

Just before the visit, little B announces she needs to poo.  I sit her on the potty, saying "I don't want to change a poopy diaper."  Her reply "daddy do it when he gets home."  Maybe I should've gone w/that...but let's just say - thank god that BM went into the pot!!!

Anywho....back to the PAT visit (sheesh - any of you who know me probably see I type in the same manner I speak - rambling...).  So, after listening to me whine about how pooped & crummy I felt, Miss PAT whips out Hi Ho Cherry-O, asking if we play board games at home.   I'm sure we did ... over the summer.... once.  Does the Wii Just Dance count?  B/C we did get that out the other day (which, btw, I kicked buttocks on the Jackson Five moves-I TOTALLY want a wig & retro clothes for christmas to complete the look).  

Then we talk about the teen and how I feel she always gets the short end of the stick, as we are always doing "little kid" stuff.  So, she mentioned she always used bedtime to sit on her daughter's bed & talk to her after the others were tucked in.  Funny she mentioned that.  Last night, I did just that.  My 13 yr old's reply "get off my bed - you know I hate it when you do that - just close my closet door on your way out mom."  Yea-great bonding moment.  Turd.

As Miss PAT has also been my educator w/my now 5 yr old & knows what crummy sleepers we raise, she asked how little B was sleeping.  If I'm lucky, she stays quiet until about 5am, then I lug her soggy diapered booty in bed next to me.  Listening to the suck-suck-SUCK of the binky in my ear & the whacking of my chest, head, etc. by her arm & the incessant hand down the shirt.

It becomes time for the PAT lady to leave.  I follow her out, yakking at her all the way to her car, when I hear the door shut AND lock.  All I can see is a bit of blonde tuft thru the door window.  She bolts and just looks at me.  There is no other way in at this point.  Sweetness led to time out threats, then the door was unlocked.  Turd.

Onto lunch.  I do the ol' Chef Boyardee standby.  This heating up of canned item does not take long.  Yet, in this short span, said turd girl has removed a potted plant, dumping dirt all over the table, bench, & floor.  After I grump & growl about that & get it cleaned up (long after the ding of the micro), I see she has tried to "re-plant" a few of the leaves in her applesauce next to the plant!!  Ok, so maybe that part was kind of cute.  Kind of and maybe.

And, to top it all off, I failed to put a diaper on her after the potty poo, and she peed in her cute little pants and onto the carpet.  Thank GOD it's naptime!!!

Thankful List 2011

Albeit a true-but thrown together list (since I am otherwise busy *wiping butts* & making my one not homemade cherry pie to take to friends - since my family is otherwise nuts and I cannot cook-in that order).

Not necessarily in this order, I am thankful for:  birth control, caffeine, blood pressure medication, jet tubs (and the ability to, occasionally, use by MYSELF), binkies, naptime, DISPOSABLE diapers, wipes (which are useful in many ways - esp. for all of the females in this house), beer/wine, hair color (bye bye white-ies!), Nyquil, Benadryl, drive thrus, push-up bras, panti-liners (a neccesity after three kids), pony tail holders, makeup, elastic, Retinol & eye cream, sunglasses, internet shopping... *Let me add Lysol here - as I had to go wipe a messy butt and potty seat during this entry.  Since it is Thanksgiving, and many of you will be gorging yourselves, I will not go into details so as not to ruin your feast*...microwaves, canned food, Scentsy's for the bathroom, bathroom door locks, doors in general (to hide the clutter), having kids too young or spaced far enough apart to not know the difference so I can re-gift, a 6'3 husband who will sleep in a twin size bed when it thunders, Dr. Rao, free babysitting (TV), washable carseat covers, caller ID, front loader washer w/sanitize option, curse words (even if only in my head), and, last but not least, the public school system.

And, in all seriousness, all 32 of you who read my inconsistent & often poop-related blog.  Happy Thanksgiving!!

PEEved

Soooo...hoping all 33 (wait 32 - I'm my own follower) haven't yet given up my near non-existent blogging of late.  LIFE IS NUTS WITH THREE KIDS!!!!!   
And becoming 40 something has apparently not been to my advantage.

Take, for example, a recent blood draw and 24 hour urine test.  I asked my husband, "who has 24 hours where they can commit to collecting their pee EVERY single time?!"  His reply, "old people."  Thanks dear.   

So, aside from having two flat tires in the same week (one of which caused me to have to cancel a speech client and the girls to be late to school - and with dirty clothes b/c they got tired of waiting on AAA to come fix the tire b/c mommy doesn't know how, so they rolled around in the wet yard), having the air go out in the - *add curse word here* then add "ing" - van, having to call a lawyer regarding visitation issues w/eldest daughter & her "father," getting a CT scan and TWO blood draws b/c they goofed (and I HATE NEEDLES) and the "normal" day to day craziness, I am having to collect and refrigerate my dang pee!!!  No wonder this "old lady" has high blood pressure!  I only prayed Macy wouldn't open the fridge door (as she usually does) and grab the container!  All that hard work would have gone to waste - oh yea, and a possible visit to the ER because of a wrongful consumption.

To continue w/the pee saga, on one occasion I had to be "in town" (we live, god forbid, at least 10-20 minutes out of town) for a time period that would not allow for my "three children later" bladder to be held.  So, knowing I would be dropping two of the girls off at daddy's office (where he has a dorm fridge) after school, I conveniently packed a plastic cup and wrapped Saran Wrap around the top, securing with a rubber band (no WAY was I going to use one of my pitchers).  He saw me w/the cup and I proceeded with "I know you aren't going to want to do this, but..."  

Don't worry - it's just coffee in the cups

I was right - he did not want any part of what I needed of him.  I used the restroom down the hall, cup concealed in a Wal-Mart bag.  I couldn't find the Panera bag the lab tech gave me, saying the lab people would think I was surprising them with bagels.  I returned the speciman to the fridge with a sheepish smile to the hubs, who later told me the bag was WET (it was from the sink - seriously!) and gave me the visual of him holding the 2 yr old in one hand, the SOLO full-o-pee in the other, all while trying to corral the other kiddo from the street to get them into the van.  Which reminds me of how I dropped the kids off at his office, then proceeded to get back in the van (with the carseats) and drive off to make my racquetball league on time - only to have him call and ask "what the he** are you doing - we have to switch vehicles."  Oh yeaaaaa.  

Aside from that ordeal is the fact that my 2 yr old rarely is in another room from me - so she was present at quite a few of the pee collections.  She thought I was using her potty seat while collecting in the lovely little plastic seat they provide.  Then, she brings some crackers in the bathroom and places them on top of the toilet seat where I had just placed the "collector seat."  "Don't put that cracker in your....mouth!!!!"  Close call.  Thank god those 24 hrs are over.  Now to tackle the weekend.  Enjoy yours!!

And THANKS to igottalaugh.blogspot.com's crazay blogger for encouraging me to do another blog!!  Though I would have rather taken a nap today...

Ladies, All The Ladies...

Ok.  So, this will be the one & probably only blog that isn't about a harried day with the kids.  I will risk some humility at the chance to remind all of you lovely ladies to GET YOUR FREAKIN' MAMMOGRAM ALREADY!!!

I had my first one last month.  I guess the newest research shows that at age 40 you should have your first one and follow up every year.  Old news was age 35.  They say the small amount of radiation received outweighs starting them at that age.  HOWEVER, you should always do the ol' monthly checkup on your own.  You know the drill.  But, if you're like me, with kids howling or banging on the shower door, it tends to take the back burner!

NOT the right way!

Soooo, I knew something was up when slightly smaller righty got a third photo-op and lefty was left hanging.  Just when I thought the ol' smoosheroo was complete, I was directed to place right side back in the wringer.  The phonecall a few days later confirmed there was a suspicious mass.  Pardon me, but, oh shit.  Ok, so follow up with an appointment with A SURGEON!!  Lump went directly from breast to throat.

I waited "a coon's age" in the office.  She (thank god for the "she" part) was worth it and I had an awesome friend go with me.  We had plenty of time to try to make light of the situation, cracking third nipple jokes and such.  A nurse finally arrives and asks "are you still having your periods?"  Good lawdy - already thinking menopausal?  Thanks.

The surgeon entered & reported it was more than likely a benign (insert a titilating sigh of relief) knot called a "fibroadenoma."  It was only 2cm and I could not feel it (another reason to get the mammo gals!).  She gave me three choices - but omitted the first, which was to ignore it.  I ended up getting a biopsy later that week.  These results resulted in my friend & I going down the road to get a Bloody Mary (to which the young waitress fumbled over her words and said two murders coming up!).

THE BIOPSY:  Super hubs came along for moral support (or did he just want to cop a look-see - I mean, with three kids, the ol' gals don't get out as much).   I look up in the waiting room to see that one of the techs that is going to be prepping my booby was a high school friend and the other a young male.  Yay.  Also, as we're walking back, I see another friend from school days.  She says "are you having another baby?"  All I could do was laugh out loud!!  She later came in & apologized - saying she didn't ask that b/c I LOOKED preggers, but b/c my hubs & I were together!  LOL again.  I'm sure it was just my big boobs.  Sure of it.

So, disrobe from the waist up, lie down, whip her out.  At least I got to place my arm behind my head, giving righty the added effect of lift.  After being asked, "you didn't eat or have any caffeine, did you?"  To which I replied - "just a granola bar and a small cup of coffee."  The surgeon told me NOT to NOT eat!  And, you know I gotta have a cup of coffee!

Then I get briefed on the details while being rubbed with betodyne (which is, ironically, about the same shade as a nipple/areola).  So, as I'm lying there exposed, they report that the doc, who is usually there at 745 still isn't there at 815.  Nothing like chatting with a young man (tech) while your booby is wide open getting cold, as I check to see if he is keeping eye contact.

Doc finally enters, apologizing.  Bet he wasn't up getting three kiddos breakfast at the crack of dawn while worrying about his "moobs."      

Obvsiously, I was numbed, then he made a super small incision then used this funky and loud device (sounded like a stapler!) to extract TWO specimens.  I reminded myself to breathe 289 times during the less than seven minute procedure.

He was very nice and the school friend was super awesome.  And doc let hubs stay in the room.  I find myself saying "thanks" as is customary.  I later told hubs "thanks - thanks for cutting on my booby & sticking that big arse needle in it??"  I tell ya, after having your crotch exposed to numerous strangers three times during childbirth and now this - there is no modesty!

After the procedure, I call my friend (the one who went w/me to the first appt) to tell her "I just got my booby cut on."  She had an extreme reaction, which was odd, because she knew this was scheduled & what was happening.  She thought I said "I just got my booby cut off."
 
Next step - go back to see the surgeon for the results.  The report did not come back saying it was a "fibroadenoma" but that it did appear benign.  I'm thinking that was it.  Nooooo.  She wants me to get another ultrasound in a few wks. just to be sure the samples were indicative of the entire "mass" (all 2 cm of it)!

I have a friend who recently had a mastectomy and is currently going through chemo and radiation.  She is a brave young mother of three who is on top of things, for sure.  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and don't forget to take care of yourself - for yourself and your family and friends!

Ludicrus Library Day

Wow - it's been forever since I have had time to "post a new post."  This will be just from the few hours of one morning.  

This morning started off better than the previous one.  Our coffee pot took a crap & we had to put it to rest.  This morning we used our new Bosch single cup-style pot.  OMG OMG OMG  Let's just say it put the old one to shame.  Deelishioso to the max - and not the Maxwell House - yippee!!  As usual, though, it had gotten cold by the time I got to finish the last drop.  And this one WAS good to the last drop.  Ok - I'm done w/the lame commercialized talk.


I notice 5 yr old (Kam) has major yellow crust on her eye.  Oh crap.  Is this means for another pediatrician visit?  Pink eye or allergies?  And tomorrow is Friday - does it always seem to work that way?  I try to avoid Dr After Hours for sure!  As I'm wiping it away (sort of - it's more of a struggle with a wild bear cub), the 2 yr old (Bea) is imitating the screaming fit.  Yay.
Well, it's the library or the doctor...the library won.


Next up is trying to get a quick shower in before the two create too much disaster with mommy not in sight.  When I finish, I peek my head around the corner to see the two year old eating "breakfast" out of a bag of Cajun Spice & Herb chips instead of her cereal.  Man, that topmost shelf of the pantry is going to be full after I rearrange!  The syrup she squeezes into her mouth is top on the list.


Next up is getting these little ones ready.  I mean, this whole leaving the house for an hour or two ordeal takes all morning!  I put little Bea on her potty seat - success!!  Then, she is so proud, she wants to wipe "all by self" - while sticking her hand IN the basin of pee as she wipes.  After hoisting her up to the sink to wash her hands (another wild bear cub experience), it's time to get them dressed.  Oh, that middle child of mine.  She wants to wear her tutu dress - the one that has leggings to go with b/c it's too short.  Get everything on.  "These leggings are too tight - I don't want to wear this!!"  Mama's patience is wearing thin.  I inform her she can put those clothes away & choose one more, but that is it.  Fit throwing ensues b/c she can't seem to get the dress back onto the hanger.  As I'm counting to ten in my head, I notice a long forgotten sippy cup of milk (chunky style) on her nightstand.  It must have traveled in there from little sis - and I have been buying the even more expensive than usual milk (organic w/the DHA brain fuel - hoping these kids will be doctors & lawyers & such so they can support their old ma & pa someday). 

PRE-MED STUDENTS

Somehow, we make it to the hot van in decent time.  We walk up to the sweet young library employee and I hand over the book that Bea ripped.  She says she can fix it.  Good - b/c we have two more like it at home.  I had to check them out w/Kam's new library card which we got b/c I have a wayyyy overdue book "Like Mommy, Like Daddy" that I can't find anywhere!

As we choose new books, Bea:

*runs up & down the ramp (the one I tell her EVERY time not to run on)
*grabs Pooh bear & Nemo off the shelves & throws them on the floor in the reading area
*throws numerous books onto the floor
*gets right in the little boy's face who is using the computer and starts "talking" to him
   (The last time she did this to a little girl, the girl got really upset w/her and said "stop it - look what you did!"  And made little Bea cry.  I felt Mama Bear rise up, but I put her to rest before I stood to my full 5'10" height and said to her "look what you did - you made her cry!")

As the lady is reading for storytime, Bea:

*performs forward rolls onto the other kids
*stands on her sisters fingers (accident), making big sis announce it very loudly 
*picks her nose, announcing "I have to get that booger out"


As we do our craft, she 

*grabs entire handsful (handfulls is not correct, right?) of tissue paper, wadding it all up for the other kids
*gets most of the tissue paper stuck to her hands
*reason for bullet #2 is that she has taken the purple glue stick and rubbed it all over her hands
 
Crazy me decided to head over to the used bookstore w/these houligans to get even more books (mostly to kill more time away from home where arguing & boredom set in - am I referring to the kids and/or the spouses - lol).   As I am attempting to pay, Bea grabs a pkg of cheese crackers & mouths it - "could you add these to the tab?" then I notice a candy bar wrapper, with a huge bite missing, on the floor.  Again, "could you add this to the tab?"  The understanding owner laughs it off and says something along the lines of  "I really didn't place them that low (like Wal-Mart) for that reason, but...maybe it does work!"  BTW, good choice Bea, caramel & chocolate - can't beat that!


The last ordeal before we head home is Bea running off as I'm struggling w/the book bags & the van doors.  I was able to stop her as a van came cruising down the one way street.  Then a Denali w/out of state tags starts heading down it the wrong way, as an on-comer honks.

KAM THE PHOTOGRAPHER-EVEN TAKES PICS OF HERSELF

In an attempt to settle the girls down (after making 5 yr old eat some veggies that she's "never eating again!" and sitting w/the little on my lap while I attempt to scarf something down-chocolate bar to come for mama at naptime-you know, the one Macy ripped off the shelf...), I read one of our new books in the recliner.  Kam decides she would rather listen from behind the chair and ends up pulling Bea & me all the way back - she wanted to take a picture to show daddy (a bit blurry):

WHAM BAM KAM

As naptime is the only respite during the day, I am usually pretty anxious to get them settled.  I put Bea in her crib and start to head out.  She pipes up with "Rock a Bye Baby," her way of asking me to rock her in the chair.  I give in - for about a two minute rock.


Right at the time for lying down Kam, she announces she has to go poop, taking her coloring book & crayons with her, calling out "I need something to set my crayons on!"  Oh lordy.

As I'm writing this, I am distracted by a talking toy & investigate to find the dog is lying on it.  I also hear Kam trying to blow her stuffed allergy nose, as I'm hoping she'll conk out for awhile.  Better go & get to that candy bar while I can...

Wacked Out Wednesday

Wed is my work (outside of the home) day.  I have little one in bed w/me - since about 6am.  I tell her to sleep "until the sun wakes up" - which, I have learned is approximately 5:15 am.  It is usually this time, on the dot, when she wakes.  However, she will go back to sleep if I put her in bed w/me - so I do.
But I end up waking her as I try to sneak out for a shower.  And it's hair-washin' day, so I have to allot more time. 

So I am able to take a shower without any interruptions (I believe this is a first, for a hair-washin' day shower, especially!).  I'll give the hubs credit for starting the coffee.  But how is it I end up getting myself ready, feed the kids and myself (I mean, I DID have to pop waffles in the toaster & all), do a diaper change, AND chop up an onion & a big ol' roast & throw it in the crock pot - ALL before leaving the house?  Women are so awesome, right?

My self -sufficient, appreciative, affectionate, unforgetful (which is not a word, according to spell check), immaculate teen is staying w/the kids again while I do the morning part of work.  Hope you sense the sarcasm here.

I get into the beloved (yea, right) mini van and head down the road to my first appointment - about 25 minutes worth of listening to MY music-which I realized about five minutes into the drive while listening to Kids Station Live on XM Radio...

Well, I get home in time for lunch/nap, as usual.  I smell a combo of poo and roast w/onion.  Awesome.  Teen informs me of how the little one made a green load of toxic waster in her diaper, removed it, then proceeded to sit on the carpet, leaving the residue of the butt mush in it's place.  Teen did her best (I'm sure) to clean it up.  Seriously - kudos to her for having to deal w/that while I'm gone.  However, AFTER I hand the babe a piece of cheese that she consumes, I notice her hands smell poo-ish.  Great.

I wonder how all that happened unnoticed?  I mean, nothing much could have been happening - the teen had time to do her hair (thanks to the borrowing of my new Chi iron), and she was checking her texts upon my arrival. 

As I'm preparing lunch (thank you lord, for creating humans w/brains - therefore, the microwave), the girls scream at each other, one crying over one of those fake broken fingernails on the floor (which she had for all of three minutes), & the other crying b/c she couldn't get a container to open.  We finally sit down to spaghetti.  After removing little one's shirt (always comes off for ravioli or spaghetti - a red-stained belly is better than a ruined shirt), I head back to the kitchen to retrieve my plate (always last).  When I get back, one minute later, 2 yr old has found the syrup from Wednesday's Waffles and has poured it over her spaghetti and a nice pool of it on the table.  Good times.

After threatening the kids with "no swimming later unless you eat three more bites," it's nap time for little one.  She requests I do "Rock A Bye Baby" in the rocking chair.  We snuggle as I hum the tune.  As I rise to lay her down, her head sticks slightly as she lifts it off my shoulder.  I get a whiff of syrup, then lie her down - I'll wipe her down later...

The Week From A Place Not Of This World.

Well, the longest two weeks in my mama history recently came to an end.  Hubster went out of town for the second time in 4 wks for work.  The week long trip to Fla. turned into a two weeker!  He had a difficult enough time himself w/long flight delays & crabby "customers."  I had a difficult time w/long summer days and crabby kids = crabby mom.

Not only did he take the only tube of adult toothpaste - leaving me w/Hello Kitty Buzzing Bubblegum, but drove off w/my stinkin' time sheets for work in his car - parked at the airport 2 hrs. away.  Guess I won't be mailing those on time OR getting paid on time.

The hardest part is being separated from my soul mate for so long, of course.  NOT the being left at home 24/7 with ALL three kids - not to mention the shopping, transporting, watering garden, butt-wiping, cooking, cleaning & laundry.  Wait - how is that part different than any other week?  Ouch to the hubs.  JK - right?  Seriously, there is help with the other set of hands and I missed that BIG time!

In theory, summer has a romantic feel to it.  Long, relaxed, care free days...time spent w/the kids all to yourself - no sharing of them to school.  Watermelon, swimming, lazy nights on the deck.  Hit the brakes!!  More like whining, fighting, the can't play outside b/c of the stifling hot weather, "I'm bored," stinky, tick-infested dogs, big, bossy carpenters' bees in your face, me getting into a swimsuit in public, running one kid to T-Ball practices (while chasing the little one onto the field as they stop all action as you race across to grab them), the other to tennis - all in the hotness.  About my only reprieve is that of driving to see my clients (which are children) for three hours/week listening to my own mindless music such as The Beastie Boys or Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Throw in a little Prince and there's the cream on top!

After about three weeks into "summer vacation," and I feel like I have already flown over the cucu's nest  (if you haven't seen that Jack Nicholson classic, you gotta check it out!)!

A recent naptime consisted of the 5 year old getting up 4-5 times.  "Where's my baby Zhu-Zhu, I can't sleep, I'm thirsty, I've gotta go poop."  It could possibly be related to the fact that she got up at 4am b/c she had a bad dream.  She ended up in bed w/me.  30 minutes later, just I'm finally about to drift back off, two year old tooger comes across the monitor.  All three of us end up together.  Again, in theory - what a sweet & loving moment - all cuddled up together snoozing. Yea, right.  Macer had her hands all over me again - nothing like getting felt up by your two year old.  No....sleep...til...Brooklyn.  I pop my blood pressure med w/a swig of coffee and start another day.

I'll try to break down the rest of the week's antics in short bullets:

BY FAR Number One:  Teen backs up the septic ALL over the laundry room and bathroom w/tampons - this is a blog on its own that will post soon.

*Forgetting to take the teen to her $100, three day volleyball camp.

*Two year old spitting spitty chewed up crackers into the small crevices of the nice stranger's Bass Pro bamboo mat, running onto the field, lying on the ground at T-Ball.

*Listening to the thud of a metal bat hitting the two year old's head b/c her sister is trying to hit the cicadas out of the tree (right as I was distracted by taking a call from my hub-who freaked out & called back b/c I hung up on him saying "Macy just got hit in the head by the bat!").

*Waking up (after interrupted sleepless night) & noticing large amount of hair are falling out as I brush my hair (which is now dark brown w/white highlights - thank you hairdresser god for your coloring gift).  And what about these undies that don't quite cover the area they used to?  And the zits at THIS age?

*Cleaning up cups of spilled milk - when we are out anyway and I don't want to lug them to WMart.

*Open the HOT van up as 5 yr old screams (and screams) "I'm too hot!!"  Two year old follows suit (maybe I should start the car in advance - no, that takes brain power).

*Lugging three crankster kids to WMart to get said milk replacement- who argue, cry, attempt to stand up in the cart, want to buy this & that AND the other.

*Trying to carry on a sign language conversation w/a friend of mine with my two year old screaming in the cart and friend backing up, knocking the feminine pads off the shelf.  We also had some in our cart - as the teen was too embarrassed to have them in her cart.

 *Finding the cat has been in the garage for hours - wonder what special places she has found to deposit her poo.

*Letting the dog out of her crate in the morn, to find she has made a deposit - a very large deposit w/about the worst scent EVER.  (Note:  this dog is for sale-seriously-see picture-isn't she adorable-don't you want her?)

*Killing time & spending unnecessary money at the resale shop while teen plays tennis in the heat, as the owner tells me how to make (requires sewing, effort, etc.) a cool neckwrap for the tennis teen.  I politely listen while laughing in my head at the mere idea of something requiring time & effort, all while my little ones are racing each other through the store - next to the "no touch breakables" and while "trying on clothes" together in the dressing room.

*Mealtimes of "Get your fingers out of your nose while you are eating," "Sit down," "Quit throwing your sippy."

*Waking to crying babe at 6:45ish and noticing that 5 yr old has taken it upon herself to unlock the front door, go outside in her nightgown and hunt for bugs.  "But I think Fuzzlenut (the cat) scared them all off."

*Rushing to get home to meet my dad at my house when there is a huge moving truck jackknifed right in the road so we can't get through - he's stuck for a longgg time so about four neighbors drive down a neighboring house & past a barn in the field to cut across to our road.

*Driving to a home for work (in a hurry) and there is a large calf right in the middle of the road that I try to dodge while then dodging a huge snapping turtle.

*Having the two year old tell me "calm down, mom."

Oh - and there's nothing like poop in a Pullup.

"Macy Day" Parade is a Blowout!!

So I get this phonecall from my dad earlier in the week saying he had cleaned up my '61 powder blue Buick Invicta convertible for the parade at our local SummerFest.  He keeps it at his house and we hadn't driven it in literally years.  The hubby picked the car up and as I am attempting to get ready (though I didn't even bother taking a shower - 90 degree temps plus short on time - and, I mean I had one at naptime yesterday), two year old is putting my deodorant on all over her shirt - but mostly in the armpit area - pretty observant.  I loaded our brood plus a tween friend, & met him there.  The girls were so excited to drive in the old car without carseats and throw candy - party on!!  Thinking back, I wish I would've advertised my aspiring blog site.

Sitting ON the steering wheel, driving - now that's one big wheel!

So, the car did look very nice.  However, it didn't run!  This we found out after it had been parked IN LINE at the parade.  My dad had a couple of other cars in front of us and one of the drivers was a guy that knew something about cars.  So, he popped the hood & sprayed some engine starter stuff & it eventually ran.  For 3.2 minutes - as the parade is rolling along.  The hubs is driving, thank god (he held the cursing under his breath).  The girls are attempting to throw candy & wave, yet we have to keep stopping - their heads only jerked back & forth a couple of times.  As we were rounding the bend to Pine St., I started to breathe easier.  The girls quit complaining about not being able to eat the candy (we had a limited amount to throw), people were making positive comments on the car (even tho it was spitting smoke - great inhalant for the kids w/the top down), we were waving, smiling, tossing candy.  Then it died again.  Hubs lays on the toot-ish sounding horn and the helper guy in front of us stops & runs back to our car & gets it going again.  Some lady was taking a picture of us sitting in the car w/the hood up!  We get the thumbs up from a bystander, I show him the crossed fingers instead.  We actually had to let part of the parade go around us!!  AND people came up & said "your car is leaking some green stuff."  Oh yea.  Miss Macy keeps on waving.

Hey - it could've been worse - at least Mac didn't load her drawers during the parade.

We finished in enough time for us girls to "enjoy" (it was so dang hot & the kids got so dang grumpy) the other festivities while poor hubs gritted his teeth & loudly cursed all the way back to grandpa's to return the blue beast.  (When meeting up w/him later he said his eyes still hurt from the fumes & that when the one spectator came up to the car to say "you have smoke coming out from under the hood" he wanted to use the ol' phrase "no shit Sherlock.")

I put the girls in the Sit n Stand stroller & run with them through the fire truck sprinkler - after I remembered my phone & camera were also in the stroller.  Afterwards, Kami says her eyes hurt - guess the sunscreen ran.  We hit some of the blow up stuff - which was almost too hot to play on.  We bought 6 tickets but they were a waste.  Hubs meets up w/us & we head to the sand pit.  Kam gets her nice new white leggings ruined and Macy runs around upset b/c she doesn't like the way the sand feels on her feet. 

Kam wants to play a game before we go so I dole out $2 for a bball game, she wins a prize but is so grumpy & indecisive I end up grabbing an inflated ball.  She gets ticked & grabs some cheap little stuffed bear.  At this point Macy has grabbed the ball, so I dole out another $2 and hand it to the lady - for about 10 cents worth of junk.  Time...to...go.  Hubs says "quit talking to everyone you know and keep walking."  Small hometown - that's what happens.

Kam says she's thirsty, I ask if she wants a root beer float - "yes yes!!!"  Anything, at this point, to quiet the oncoming storm.  While the $5 float is being prepared, Macy is screaming bloody murder & Kami is yelling "mommy, mommy!"  I noticed a little girl come up to the side of the stroller & stare at Macy while asking "what's wrong w/her mommy?"  I turn around & it's one of my friends from college.  Nice.  We start walking back to the mama van & Kam complains she doesn't want the float.  Then Macy knocks hers off, spilling the entire sippy (maybe $2.50 worth of the drink).  As the teens & hubs stayed behind to do more stuff, I was alone w/the chore of getting the gear & kids into the van.

As I am literally wrestling that blankity blank big ol' stroller for about six minutes trying to get it to close the heck up while Macy is screaming that she dropped her ball, the car behind me starts backing up right where I am - getting way too close - jerk.  I finally get the Sit & Shit closed (sorry - that's what I was saying to myself during "the procedure"-wait - the folding up of the stroller - not using the toilet) and hoist the heavy hauler into the back, while groaning b/c I have already pulled a muscle in my back - and it pulled it again right there.  Yay.  Probably from carrying these kids around on my hip and sleeping all cock-eyed w/the 2 yr old at my side.  As long as I don't have to whip out the BenGay.  Some of my cousins used to joke, when my sweet grandma was still living, that we could all play "Find Granny" by blindfolding each of us then trying to locate her by letting our sniffers guide us toward the menthol vapors.

 Anyway...I stupidly head to the long line at Taco Smell.  Time to put the DVD on.  Then we get home for the beloved naptime (cheese rolls eaten in van).  Two yr old goes first then I entertain five yr old a few minutes.  As she is using the potty in my bathroom, she trips over the ceramic iron cord as she is attempting to flush, and it falls to floor, quite a few pieces shattered.  Pick up the pieces, so to speak, and move on, after tossing it in the trash.  Mo money, mo money...


Kami noisily (little sissy's room right next door) crawls to her room w/the prized microscopic bear on her back.  Afetr getting her tucked away & I see the future of a hot bath w/the jets on my aching back, she realizes her "other" animals are in the living room.  A whole process ensues of lining them up just right and adjusting their blanket.  THEN she can't find her "silky."  Finally find everything & get settled, after me complaining that I "just want to get in the tub" and "why does this have to take so long?"

Finally get that bath, then Macy wakes up, "where's the car?"

Much Ado About Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day to all.  The weather finally wasn't rainy!  Wish it would've been this nice for the girls' birthday parties which were held (Em) and supposed to be held (Kam) at the park - instead I was scrambling to clean a total wreck of a house, shower, stuff a pinata, decorate, etc. at 7am for a 930 am party!

Wake up (well, for the fourth time or so) to Kam busting in "I want to show you something w/my Zhu-Zhu pets!!!"

Anyway, we decided to go to Meramec Springs after naptime today.  We got through a messy egg breakfast (no milk spilled THIS time tho) during which Macy kept throwing her sippy cup.  The teen kept handing it back but soon tired of the game and gave it to her one last time saying "now, are you going to drink responsibly?" 

I make a stab at selling our puppy on Facebook, the teen begs for a guinea pig, then some nagging to her about her ridiculous room that vomited loads and loads of laundry & some mysterious candy wrappers.  Some breaking up of toddler fights (if Kam wears a 5T is it still toddler?  One of my childless friends asked me once when Kam was 4 if she still wore a 3Tall - not knowing what the T stood for), and doing some of the usual household chores.  Emily makes fun of my tank top which offers no support, apparently (and later told me my pits looked like cottage cheese, b/c of the deodorant-let's not talk about the large curd on my thighs).  


I pack some olives & chips for dinner (ok and some bread & meat) & off we go to "feed the fish."  The fish weren't too hungry after the crowds that had already been through.  After nearly dropping the camera in the water (caught it JUST in time), I noticed the rocks had tons of snails clinging to them.  Kam thought that was awesome. 

Snails on a rock.

Guess which girl didn't like the water?

The water was really high and Kam was upset - she wore her Dora swimsuit so she could get in (tho it was icy as heck!).  As we are walking, Em asked me if I had peed my pants.  With the bladder of a chic who has birthed three children, that was not a far fetched question.  However, it was due to Miss Macy & her wet feet as she had begged me to carry her.  Nevermind we had a Kelty Kid backpack and a stroller!!

 We had literally JUST put the gear away at the top of the hill, walked back down to the play area & Em tells me Macy had pooped - there was no doubting that after the wind changed - wafting the scent through even our allergy-clogged nostrils. I had only brought one diaper and we were down to two wipes from using them on dirty hands & faces.  Thank god that was (sorta) sufficient - clean enough butt to last until bath time and there were no more explosions.


To the sound of a gazillion or so cicadas and the nearby smell of a rotting rodent, the kids played at the crowded play area for awhile before heading home.


Back at home, Emily informs me (w/somewhat red eyes) that her boyfriend of 4-5 wks. has broken up w/her.   I gave her extra attention w/choc chip cookie dough ice cream & watched TV w/her.  Three hours later she is posting on Facebook that she is "in a relationship" - with a totally different guy - who happens to be the ex's best friend and the ex broke up and ends up dating one of Em's friends.  Oh the teen drama - and this is just the beginning!

I have a hairy belly just like daddy!

Dirt, watermelon, shell necklace-ahh summer!

Just enough time left for some watermelon.  Daddy-O (who opts for peanuts) doesn't put a bib on Macy and she has already chomped into a large piece and has juice all over her clothes.  I strip her down to her diaper.  She then gets a red stained belly, at which point she decides to pick up the long haired cat and the hairs get stuck all over the sticky watermelon residue.  Said cat later brings a dead mouse onto the new welcome doormat, leaving blood on the "L."  It had already been broken in by the blankity blank dog peeing on it on yet another rainy day.

Next is bath.  I put both little ones into the tub together.  Kam gets in, then realizes she has to pee.  Sits on the pot soaking wet and gets TP stuck in her butt.  Then I notice she has taken a couple of shelled peanuts into the tub and thrown the shells on the floor.   I leave for a minute, come back, and the shower curtain is pulled shut and Kam is saying "don't see our boobies!"  Then she tells Macy "get my boobies!"   And Macy "booby, booby!" 

I kiss my five year old, tell her goodnight & she replies with "good night poopy pinata!"

Speaking of party items, Kam's giant horse balloon ended up in the master bath and stared me down, swaying, every time I had to go pee in the middle of the night.  Weird.

"48 Hours"

 The first 24:  Sundays are supposed to be relaxing, right?  A day of rest.  Not at this house.  I had a coughing babe next to me most of the night and was finally snoozing at 7:30 am when my eldest is about 1/2" from my face in the loudest "whisper" I have ever heard "Mom...mom...the dog is in the woods and is yipping like she's hurt."  I slowly & cautiously sneak out of bed so as not to wake baby and put my new $3 sunglasses on and go outside w/her to find the blankity blank dog.  Yes, she is yelping - as she has treed the neighbor's cat.  Great.  I'm sure she not only woken that neighbor, but also the working couple who have no kids and it was one of two days out of the week they can sleep in.  After 15 minutes of yelling at the dog, starting the four wheeler (which she loves to chase), and finally "do you want a treat?"  (Yea, your treat is gonna be a doggy-arse whoopin') - she finally emerges.  Sweating & heart pounding already at 8am - no coffee involved.  No doggy treat involved.

It's usually "Syrup Sunday" - daddy making pancakes.  I decide to chill on the couch (w/coughing children) and enjoy the one day I don't do bfast.  "Where's the pancake mix?"  Crap.  I manage to get my pooped (not poopy - that's Macy) butt off the couch to find a muffin mix.  Hubs says he'll make them.  Great idea, in theory.  He decides to dump in some real blueberries (in their natural juices).  They came out mushy and very, very, very blue. In the meantime, Macy gets tired of waiting & grabs some crackers, which she ends up spitting and dropping/mashing all over the floor - and the all of a sudden picky dog doesn't vacuum them up.  Kameron gave up and brought her milk into the living room.  Macy dunked Kleenex in it.  Kam screams, then we all sit down to eat daddy's creation.

I decide it's a good day to open up the sandbox on the deck & get the kids outside.  It's covered w/a tarp, which I remove, only to find the sand swimming in lots of rain water and mossy looking junk.  Em comes out & announces there is a lizard - "oh, where?" I ask (I am super squeemish about cold-blooded, slimy, creepy, crawlies and I'm barefoot).  "Right there, by your foot."  NASTY 1/2 tail cut off, pale looking thing right THERE - yuk!  I did the jump & scream while Em cracked up and ran to the computer to post to her friends on Facebook.

The day goes on.  I do chores w/the kids underfoot while the hubs mows.  I see Macy gnawing on some cashews and spitting them on floor- after I had mopped for the first time in weeks.  As I am getting my pj's on later that night, a single little cashew falls out of my bra onto the floor.

Hub ends up sleeping w/coughing Kameron (who talked in her sleep the whole night "Macy, Macy, the bees are coming!") and Macy had me up all night coughing & crying.  I woke up looking like the gorgeous actress Charlize Theron - in her role as "The Monster."

The Second 24:  Monday.  As if that doesn't say enough.  My hubs usually takes the tween to school in the morns, but this week it's my duty.  Which means getting all three kids and myself into the van very, very, very EARLY.  I stupidly promised the kids donuts on the way to school - leaving even earlier.  A toddler-type fight broke out when we got home b/c Macy had picked the sprinkles off Kam's donut when she was wandering about the house when she was supposed to be eating (do your kids do this - I am constantly "Kameron, sit down and eat"-repeat 20 times per meal).

Next for quality time w/the girls.  Super idea of planting together.  Well, Macy gets her clothes totally covered in dark, dark, dark soil-mostly from sitting in the flower beds after she has dipped her hands in the dirty rain water bucket and gotten her clothes nice & wet so the soil sticks nicely-then walks on the plants (while Kam yells at her) while I am attempting to let Kameron dig a hole.  Move to the swingset where they both start whining (Kami-"I can't do the monkey bars-screaaammmm" - Macy - "swing slower"-which means faster).  Back to the house for a nice round of time out.  Outside plan aborted.

I am longing for the kids to take a nap.  However, at this point it is thundering and both kids have this "kennel cough" they can't seem to kick.   Sooooo, Kameron begs for all of us to sleep in the "big bed."  I give in - knowing Macy won't sleep through the thunder unless she's w/me anyway.  Disaster strikes-Kameron is  coughing and kicking, Macy is practically lying on top of me, I'm inhaling her blonde fluff - except for the back tendrils which are slightly damp w/sweat due to our close proximity, AND she is breathing like a Sleestack b/c of her congestion.  Somehow, I still manage to just about nod off (which is a rarity for me - but a woman can only take so much exhaustion) when kami pops up, "I need a Kleenex" loudly which also made Macy jump.  Kam ends up not taking a nap.  I get super uber duper cranky w/her and she loses her most beloved pastime - TV.

Since the nap has failed me, I decide to do one productive thing - call NY&Co credit card to beg them to take off the $25 late fee - as I have forgotten current payment.  Success (hey - there's one thing in 48 hrs).  Then I head to Macy's room to do something (I probably forgot what it was when I walked in, too) and see another freakin frackin wet yellow circle of DOG PEE on the white spot (yet again) of the Pottery Barn rug (I only mention the brand name - which I got off of a local Craig's List - b/c you know how ticked I was that it wasn't just a KMart 3X5)!!!  

Cursing ensues plus a mild dog lashing and a toss outdoors - in the rain - for a long while.  I pass the sliding glass door - laughing at her and saying NO (ok - I put that on a little thick-don't call ASPCA - but consider DFS - JK!!).  Kameron thinks out loud "maybe she saw the flowers & butterflies on the rug and thought she was outside mommy."  That ain't saving that dog's butt.  Then Macy cries (from tall bed all alone) & Kami rescues her.  Only to have her come back & scream & cry as I am attempting to remove the stain (to no real avail) with the 500 lb. steam vac.  I should know by now that when it thunders & rains (it pours - haha) this scaredy cat dog won't pee outside - must remember to toss her ever so gently into the grass next time to make sure she pees. 

Haul the kids into town after "nap" as we shall call it so I can play a crappy game of racquetball (I'll blame it on being so pooped).  After one particularly bad, missed shot, I told my opponent, "I am going to cry now - been wanting to all day!"

Back to pottying stories:  Macy decides to completely fill her diaper as I am preparing a gourmet dinner of leftovers (on my own since hubs is working).  During the process, she sticks her finger in "the area", attempting to help me wipe her.  Great.  Now I'm wrestling w/the poop mess and get a nice brown smear on my forearm.  I plop Macy in her highchair.  Just today I have decided I'm sick of her tray that she constantly throws off onto the floor, 1/2 full plate & all, so I take it off and push the chair up to the table. You know, where her full plate is sitting.  She kicks the plate - onto the floor - of course.  Yet another plan failed.  She was very proud of herself, as well - wondering if any lesson was learned as I told her NO.

A friend once called me Superwoman and I laughed - but after having a sick kid on my leg while cooking & cleaning and listening to the 4 year old talk about toots & poop and fighting w/her sister(s), and while administering time-outs, well, I think I own that title.

Needless to say, an early bedtime was had by all.  I dispense the dark, dark, dark purple nighttime coughing med to Kami in bed.  She spills the entire dose on her new comforter.  Mommy has wine and chocolate while watching mindless junk on the (cashew) boob tube and hits the hay.

BTW, these posts are becoming few & far between - I have been interrupted numerous times by all three kids - who are either supposed to be napping or at bedtime - and as I'm editing, it's thundering at one of the two times it always thunders - naptime - but I ain't givin' up - thanks for "following" me - hope you are enjoying  :-)

Waffle Wednesday & The Dr. Office

As it is Wednesday, waffles were served for breakfast.  Macy ate 1/2 and threw the other 1/2 on the floor, which the dog devoured.  Kam complained about not having enough syrup, of course.  Then off to drop items for the semi-annual Just Between Friends re-sale sale.  I left the girls in the van watching a movie while I unloaded numerous containers for "inspection" by Mrs. Eagle Eye - she found stains I still can't spot on a few clothing items (which I painstakingly priced, tagged & safety pinned - not to mention the ordeal I endured trying to obtain hangers from JCP - I had to meet a friend/JCP employee in the darn parking lot of Panera to do a "hanger deal" so she wouldn't get in trouble at work!!).  It took awhile to go through the process, so when I got back to the van, I praised the girls on how good they were.  Until I noticed Macy had pulled out nearly every tissue from a box of what HAD to be 5,000 or so.  And Kam whining, as I pull off, that Macy had thrown her bunny somewhere and WHY wasn't I retrieving it NOW???

The race is on to get to Macy's Dr. appt. on time - b/c you know the doc is ALWAYS on time, right?  She has a rash on her feet & I'm thinking it may be poison ivy.  We pull in, my cell rings, it's a friend waiting on us at the park for our pre-scheduled playdate!!  Crapola.  She was totally cool, as other mommies were supposed to come, too - but they didn't show either!  Then I open the automatic side door to get Macy out (after I found bunny) to find Macy's "baby" stuck in the metal contraption (see pic - note the somewhat cleaned up tissue area) - thank goodness I was able to push the door close button and grab the naked thing before she was decapitated or ruined the door!

We walked in the office at precisely 930.  Our insurance sucks (even though my hubs works for a healthcare Co!), so I ask if the visit can be charged as a well baby exam since we have a 2 yr old checkup sched. in 3 wks.  Insurance Co. won't let them until she is technically two...grrrr....

The waiting room wait wasn't bad.  Then we get to... the exam room.  I got the pleasure of entertaining both little ones for 50ish? minutes - oh joy.  After giving them crackers (crumbs EVERYwhere), watching them hang on the medical trashcan, spin on the stool and screw it up & down, watch Kameron bend over & hike up her skirt announcing "I tooted!", Macy singing "Happy Birthday Poop Poop", have them hop from colored square to colored square as I name the colors to keep them occupied (for approximately four minutes), watch Macy take her diaper off three and three more half times, watch Macy dig in my purse-tossing coupons, and bark the command "no, don't do that" about 103 times, in walks our fav doctor (true statement or it wouldn't be worth the wait) to announce "just use over the counter hydro cortisone cream."  Mild cursing at myself in my head ensues.

 As we exit the building, the aroma of bbq-ing meats swirls up my nostrils & teases my hungry belly.  I know my hubs loves the neighboring restaurant, so I call him for lunch.  He says he can meet us in 15.  I tell him "great, we'll just go across the highway & buy some chairs."  I thought I was joking.  We meet him in the parking lot of Bandana's and I show him the lime green chairs for the kitchen.  Luckily, Macy's sticky Safety sucker fingers hadn't gotten on them - as I'm sure they raked across that nice microfiber couch as we walked in.  No way to clean those paws as Macy has also yanked all the wet wipes out & they've long been dried up.

Lunch was typical of lunch w/children.  I call it a working meal.  Kameron took the sauce bottle & gave it a good squeeze, squirting a blop of it up & over the side - Macy copycats - onto her nice white shirt.  Then they play w/the knives, drop crayons & sippy cups under the table, Kam crawls under the table to get to my side - Macy copycats, Kam blows milk bubbles, Macy copycats...and on and on until we wolf our grown up lunches down so we can get the heck outta there.

Home for naps (after the girls run on the new chairs a few times).  Macy knocks off quickly.  I let Kameron stay up a little longer.  We need to do thank you notes for her teachers at Dayschool (tomorrow is her last day of "the four year olds!") - after the first lonngggg process of note #1 (she proudly and very patiently writes each letter for each word I give her - and TEACHER is a long word, mind you) - including sticker decorating on the envelope, she announces the next THREE teachers/helpers.  Naptime delayed.  Finally get her to go pee.  And, as usual, she pee-pees then stands up before wiping as it drips - no matter how many times I've told her to "wipe while you're sitting!"

I actually got a blog post in - yay!!!!

PS  Has my fly been open since I used the bathroom at Bandandas???