The Week From A Place Not Of This World.

Well, the longest two weeks in my mama history recently came to an end.  Hubster went out of town for the second time in 4 wks for work.  The week long trip to Fla. turned into a two weeker!  He had a difficult enough time himself w/long flight delays & crabby "customers."  I had a difficult time w/long summer days and crabby kids = crabby mom.

Not only did he take the only tube of adult toothpaste - leaving me w/Hello Kitty Buzzing Bubblegum, but drove off w/my stinkin' time sheets for work in his car - parked at the airport 2 hrs. away.  Guess I won't be mailing those on time OR getting paid on time.

The hardest part is being separated from my soul mate for so long, of course.  NOT the being left at home 24/7 with ALL three kids - not to mention the shopping, transporting, watering garden, butt-wiping, cooking, cleaning & laundry.  Wait - how is that part different than any other week?  Ouch to the hubs.  JK - right?  Seriously, there is help with the other set of hands and I missed that BIG time!

In theory, summer has a romantic feel to it.  Long, relaxed, care free days...time spent w/the kids all to yourself - no sharing of them to school.  Watermelon, swimming, lazy nights on the deck.  Hit the brakes!!  More like whining, fighting, the can't play outside b/c of the stifling hot weather, "I'm bored," stinky, tick-infested dogs, big, bossy carpenters' bees in your face, me getting into a swimsuit in public, running one kid to T-Ball practices (while chasing the little one onto the field as they stop all action as you race across to grab them), the other to tennis - all in the hotness.  About my only reprieve is that of driving to see my clients (which are children) for three hours/week listening to my own mindless music such as The Beastie Boys or Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Throw in a little Prince and there's the cream on top!

After about three weeks into "summer vacation," and I feel like I have already flown over the cucu's nest  (if you haven't seen that Jack Nicholson classic, you gotta check it out!)!

A recent naptime consisted of the 5 year old getting up 4-5 times.  "Where's my baby Zhu-Zhu, I can't sleep, I'm thirsty, I've gotta go poop."  It could possibly be related to the fact that she got up at 4am b/c she had a bad dream.  She ended up in bed w/me.  30 minutes later, just I'm finally about to drift back off, two year old tooger comes across the monitor.  All three of us end up together.  Again, in theory - what a sweet & loving moment - all cuddled up together snoozing. Yea, right.  Macer had her hands all over me again - nothing like getting felt up by your two year old.  No....sleep...til...Brooklyn.  I pop my blood pressure med w/a swig of coffee and start another day.

I'll try to break down the rest of the week's antics in short bullets:

BY FAR Number One:  Teen backs up the septic ALL over the laundry room and bathroom w/tampons - this is a blog on its own that will post soon.

*Forgetting to take the teen to her $100, three day volleyball camp.

*Two year old spitting spitty chewed up crackers into the small crevices of the nice stranger's Bass Pro bamboo mat, running onto the field, lying on the ground at T-Ball.

*Listening to the thud of a metal bat hitting the two year old's head b/c her sister is trying to hit the cicadas out of the tree (right as I was distracted by taking a call from my hub-who freaked out & called back b/c I hung up on him saying "Macy just got hit in the head by the bat!").

*Waking up (after interrupted sleepless night) & noticing large amount of hair are falling out as I brush my hair (which is now dark brown w/white highlights - thank you hairdresser god for your coloring gift).  And what about these undies that don't quite cover the area they used to?  And the zits at THIS age?

*Cleaning up cups of spilled milk - when we are out anyway and I don't want to lug them to WMart.

*Open the HOT van up as 5 yr old screams (and screams) "I'm too hot!!"  Two year old follows suit (maybe I should start the car in advance - no, that takes brain power).

*Lugging three crankster kids to WMart to get said milk replacement- who argue, cry, attempt to stand up in the cart, want to buy this & that AND the other.

*Trying to carry on a sign language conversation w/a friend of mine with my two year old screaming in the cart and friend backing up, knocking the feminine pads off the shelf.  We also had some in our cart - as the teen was too embarrassed to have them in her cart.

 *Finding the cat has been in the garage for hours - wonder what special places she has found to deposit her poo.

*Letting the dog out of her crate in the morn, to find she has made a deposit - a very large deposit w/about the worst scent EVER.  (Note:  this dog is for sale-seriously-see picture-isn't she adorable-don't you want her?)

*Killing time & spending unnecessary money at the resale shop while teen plays tennis in the heat, as the owner tells me how to make (requires sewing, effort, etc.) a cool neckwrap for the tennis teen.  I politely listen while laughing in my head at the mere idea of something requiring time & effort, all while my little ones are racing each other through the store - next to the "no touch breakables" and while "trying on clothes" together in the dressing room.

*Mealtimes of "Get your fingers out of your nose while you are eating," "Sit down," "Quit throwing your sippy."

*Waking to crying babe at 6:45ish and noticing that 5 yr old has taken it upon herself to unlock the front door, go outside in her nightgown and hunt for bugs.  "But I think Fuzzlenut (the cat) scared them all off."

*Rushing to get home to meet my dad at my house when there is a huge moving truck jackknifed right in the road so we can't get through - he's stuck for a longgg time so about four neighbors drive down a neighboring house & past a barn in the field to cut across to our road.

*Driving to a home for work (in a hurry) and there is a large calf right in the middle of the road that I try to dodge while then dodging a huge snapping turtle.

*Having the two year old tell me "calm down, mom."

Oh - and there's nothing like poop in a Pullup.

"Macy Day" Parade is a Blowout!!

So I get this phonecall from my dad earlier in the week saying he had cleaned up my '61 powder blue Buick Invicta convertible for the parade at our local SummerFest.  He keeps it at his house and we hadn't driven it in literally years.  The hubby picked the car up and as I am attempting to get ready (though I didn't even bother taking a shower - 90 degree temps plus short on time - and, I mean I had one at naptime yesterday), two year old is putting my deodorant on all over her shirt - but mostly in the armpit area - pretty observant.  I loaded our brood plus a tween friend, & met him there.  The girls were so excited to drive in the old car without carseats and throw candy - party on!!  Thinking back, I wish I would've advertised my aspiring blog site.

Sitting ON the steering wheel, driving - now that's one big wheel!

So, the car did look very nice.  However, it didn't run!  This we found out after it had been parked IN LINE at the parade.  My dad had a couple of other cars in front of us and one of the drivers was a guy that knew something about cars.  So, he popped the hood & sprayed some engine starter stuff & it eventually ran.  For 3.2 minutes - as the parade is rolling along.  The hubs is driving, thank god (he held the cursing under his breath).  The girls are attempting to throw candy & wave, yet we have to keep stopping - their heads only jerked back & forth a couple of times.  As we were rounding the bend to Pine St., I started to breathe easier.  The girls quit complaining about not being able to eat the candy (we had a limited amount to throw), people were making positive comments on the car (even tho it was spitting smoke - great inhalant for the kids w/the top down), we were waving, smiling, tossing candy.  Then it died again.  Hubs lays on the toot-ish sounding horn and the helper guy in front of us stops & runs back to our car & gets it going again.  Some lady was taking a picture of us sitting in the car w/the hood up!  We get the thumbs up from a bystander, I show him the crossed fingers instead.  We actually had to let part of the parade go around us!!  AND people came up & said "your car is leaking some green stuff."  Oh yea.  Miss Macy keeps on waving.

Hey - it could've been worse - at least Mac didn't load her drawers during the parade.

We finished in enough time for us girls to "enjoy" (it was so dang hot & the kids got so dang grumpy) the other festivities while poor hubs gritted his teeth & loudly cursed all the way back to grandpa's to return the blue beast.  (When meeting up w/him later he said his eyes still hurt from the fumes & that when the one spectator came up to the car to say "you have smoke coming out from under the hood" he wanted to use the ol' phrase "no shit Sherlock.")

I put the girls in the Sit n Stand stroller & run with them through the fire truck sprinkler - after I remembered my phone & camera were also in the stroller.  Afterwards, Kami says her eyes hurt - guess the sunscreen ran.  We hit some of the blow up stuff - which was almost too hot to play on.  We bought 6 tickets but they were a waste.  Hubs meets up w/us & we head to the sand pit.  Kam gets her nice new white leggings ruined and Macy runs around upset b/c she doesn't like the way the sand feels on her feet. 

Kam wants to play a game before we go so I dole out $2 for a bball game, she wins a prize but is so grumpy & indecisive I end up grabbing an inflated ball.  She gets ticked & grabs some cheap little stuffed bear.  At this point Macy has grabbed the ball, so I dole out another $2 and hand it to the lady - for about 10 cents worth of junk.  Time...to...go.  Hubs says "quit talking to everyone you know and keep walking."  Small hometown - that's what happens.

Kam says she's thirsty, I ask if she wants a root beer float - "yes yes!!!"  Anything, at this point, to quiet the oncoming storm.  While the $5 float is being prepared, Macy is screaming bloody murder & Kami is yelling "mommy, mommy!"  I noticed a little girl come up to the side of the stroller & stare at Macy while asking "what's wrong w/her mommy?"  I turn around & it's one of my friends from college.  Nice.  We start walking back to the mama van & Kam complains she doesn't want the float.  Then Macy knocks hers off, spilling the entire sippy (maybe $2.50 worth of the drink).  As the teens & hubs stayed behind to do more stuff, I was alone w/the chore of getting the gear & kids into the van.

As I am literally wrestling that blankity blank big ol' stroller for about six minutes trying to get it to close the heck up while Macy is screaming that she dropped her ball, the car behind me starts backing up right where I am - getting way too close - jerk.  I finally get the Sit & Shit closed (sorry - that's what I was saying to myself during "the procedure"-wait - the folding up of the stroller - not using the toilet) and hoist the heavy hauler into the back, while groaning b/c I have already pulled a muscle in my back - and it pulled it again right there.  Yay.  Probably from carrying these kids around on my hip and sleeping all cock-eyed w/the 2 yr old at my side.  As long as I don't have to whip out the BenGay.  Some of my cousins used to joke, when my sweet grandma was still living, that we could all play "Find Granny" by blindfolding each of us then trying to locate her by letting our sniffers guide us toward the menthol vapors.

 Anyway...I stupidly head to the long line at Taco Smell.  Time to put the DVD on.  Then we get home for the beloved naptime (cheese rolls eaten in van).  Two yr old goes first then I entertain five yr old a few minutes.  As she is using the potty in my bathroom, she trips over the ceramic iron cord as she is attempting to flush, and it falls to floor, quite a few pieces shattered.  Pick up the pieces, so to speak, and move on, after tossing it in the trash.  Mo money, mo money...


Kami noisily (little sissy's room right next door) crawls to her room w/the prized microscopic bear on her back.  Afetr getting her tucked away & I see the future of a hot bath w/the jets on my aching back, she realizes her "other" animals are in the living room.  A whole process ensues of lining them up just right and adjusting their blanket.  THEN she can't find her "silky."  Finally find everything & get settled, after me complaining that I "just want to get in the tub" and "why does this have to take so long?"

Finally get that bath, then Macy wakes up, "where's the car?"