Mama's Monday

I frequently see the posts of my employed-out-of-the-home Facebook friends which read "wishing Sunday would last longer, Mondays suck, etc."  The same holds true for many of us at home mommies.  At least I have another adult to talk to on the wknds and an extra hand.

This morning started like many others : let the puppy out (so she can bark her head off & I have to go back out & let her back in) & send the tween (I'll call her that as long as I can - only a couple more wks!) and hubs off (who later returned b/c he forgot his work cell for the 2nd time in a row!!).  This morn I was being lazy about immediately changing the little one's diaper until she looked at me, grunted and said "poop" - causing the squishy overnight diaper to spurt a serious leak all over her pants & down her legs - which then ended up on my legs (I'm CERTAIN it didn't leave a trail on the carpet.  Yea, no need to double check)...all this and more by 10am:  unload/load dishwasher, load of dishes in the sink, wash my trash for recycle, made Malt-O-Meal for "Malt-0-Meal Monday..."  (we have names for what we're having for bfast for each day of the week-Kami wanted Weiner Wednesday's - changed that to Waffle Wed.).

I FINALLY get a cup of coffee.  In between "life", I had to re-heat the dang stuff 2x before I got one cup down!  I bet the hubs consumed his in a leisurely, yet consistent manner out of his giant thermal thingy.  I need a raise - and comp time in a BIG way!!!

Then it's time for these girls to burn some energy off outside.  Today should have been "Washing Wednesday" for:   the rocks for landscaping (the girls dug them up & washed w/old toothbrushes), the spankin' new muddy as heck swingset (thanks to daddy's four wheelin' escapade w/the minivan), the rubber boots, and last, but not least, my body at naptime!!  (At which time I manage to scrap a little more of the spilled red Scentsy wax off my sink.)

Then I get a call from my neighbor, telling me they have a visitor.  (Thank god I still get my monthly visitor.)  I blonde-headedly ask, "who?"  She tells me they have my escapee pooch - we didn't notice her run off while we were a-washin'.  (Note:  we have a crazy, drunk neighbor who shot at another neighbor's 12 lb. dog that was in his yard a few wks ago - the other crazy neighbors are for another post)

So, I loaded the girls up in the wagon & hauled them down the road.  As I put the pooch in the wagon w/the girls & chat w/neighbor, Macy pulls on the ol' dog's ex-milking appendages and says "nipples, nipples!!"

I feel so violated!

Back home for lunch at the kiddie picnic table - myself included because our Nazi bee has appeared again this year and he was making dives at me at the "grown-ups table.  "

Apparently, 5 yr old had left the door ajar and the dog got out AGAIN!!!  We finally got her back and made a bee-line (pun intended) for the house to get these kids down for a nap (at which time I slap the neon yellow BABY SLEEPING sign on the door) so I could get thru the rest of the day.

Tea For Two

Today was "Mother's Tea" day at Kami's preschool.  The night before, we both set out our (at her suggestion) dresses, shoes, etc.  The prior fit she threw over "the jeans" led to a discussion about how "once your clothes are set out for the day, you can't change your mind."  Let's just say that didn't work too well.  "My shoes are too tight - I'll put my dress on - no, I want you to do it."  Long story short, she screamed & cried while Macy stood, as usual, in awe.  I sent the screamer with dad to work.

I later found a pair of her jeans in her trash can.  Seriously.

I want to wear some cute sandals but my polish is so chipped & horrible looking (we won't even discuss my dried-out, sandpaper dogs that are barking) that I need to take it off.  The tween borrowed it, didn't put it back, but I found it - it was empty.  Off for a pair of toe-covered shoes, dangit.

We make it to tea on time.  I leave a crying 2 yr old in the bbsitting room (but was later thanked that she was the best one in there the whole time - whodda thunk?).  I get seated & watch the once-again-transformed-into-an-angel child sing sweet songs of mother & love while gazing into my eyes.  Good thing - it's moments like these that keep me going!  There was a wide variety of spectators.  Some lovingly weeping (I also got a bit teary during the songs while she looked into my eyes so angelic-like - later it will be Angelica-like - you know, Rugrats...), a grandma sporting her well-worn, black AC/DC t-shirt, another lying her child on her lap, performing a digging out of the crusted varmits lodged in her nostrils.  The usual.

Then we get to the food but are some of the last - so Kam asks me to put her cookie in my purse (which later turns into a crumbly mess - no purse is my own anymore).  Reminds me of my sweet grandmother who used to wrap up chicken & put it in her purse so as not to waste.  I remember vividly her ketchup packet laden cabinets at home.  

As we are sitting in the pews for puppet time, I look over & Kam has snatched my camera & is taking pictures of her friend whom she has prompted to pull her lips into funny contortions, so they are whooping it up.

Next for lunch w/daddy where Macy nibbles on the wooden mini blinds (then wipes at her tongue - who knows what was on there!), spills her milk, & kami loudly states "I have to go pee!"  That was a mild lunch for us, no doubt!

After looking for the missing "silky," then transforming her panda bear from a pillow to a pet (decisions, decisions) - it is the blissful moment of the day - naptime...off to check the mail - a reminder of our $1,544.73 bill for Macy's ingrown toenail removal and a brochure on tweens and their periods from Kotex.

Tooty Tuesday

Just another crazy preschool kinda morning...

Miss Kam is up and pleasant & eats breakfast without the occasional ordeal it can be - esp. when rushed.  Everything is running smoothly UNTIL....it's time to get dressed.  "I want you to do it - no, I can do it myself!"  I put on her socks - god forbid BEFORE her pants!!  So, off those went at the hands of little Sybil.  Finally, it's time for her to put on "the jeans. "  Oh yea, it hit the fan and didn't stop!!  

Sweet little Macy gets a lovely morning routine eye opener of big sissy screaming and tantruming over her clothes.  "Too tight, I don't like these jeans, I'm never wearing them again!!"  and she takes them off.   Arrgghhh.  After a time out, we get to THE HAIR!!   If it ain't in the same ol' barrette on the side fashion, she ain't having it.  She tore it out TWO times - so I told her she could go to school with it looking "like that" - all cockeyed from the tearing of the princess hairbow.  "You are going to have another time out and have to tell Miss Jean (her name is ironic, eh?) why you were late."  That actually got her thinking.  I briefly explained to the teacher about this morning & she sweetly told Kam "I like those jeans!"

Further details aside, we got out of the house and to preschool.  On to meet a friend for a much deserved cup-o-java, with toddler in tow (who was probably still trying to re-cupe from the antics of her role-model sister).  Ok, get the goodies ordered, sit down & try to chill for a couple.  Things go well & I get to have awhile venting about crazy families w/my friend.  Do we all have nutty parents, siblings??  Seems like there's always at least one.

I casually notice Macy playing w/my keys.  She totally knows how to push the red button to make the van "beep-beep-beep."  However, we are way at the back of Panera and the van is wayyy at the other end, so no worries - I take them & keep munching on my Asiago cheese bagel (which I opted for over the Poppy Seed bagel - not for drug testing purposes - rather, to prevent the seeds from sticking in my front teeth - which they always do) & talking w/my mouth full because, by golly, I'm having (mostly) adult time!!!   


A sweet sorta older couple approached a nearby table.  The hubby says (not in a muted tone by any means) to his sweet looking white haired bride, "by ALL these kids???"  (There were two.)  They were actually cute & we laughed about it.  As we left, I said "we'll get these kids outta your hair so you can enjoy your bfast."  The bald gentleman said "you don't need to say that to me (pointing to his head)."  Like a dummy, I said "yea, guess we never were in your hair."


Anyway, we get to the van.  BOTH side doors are wide open!  Yea, guess the remote function works from a much further distance than I realized!  Everything was intact - guess no one is the market for two carseats or days old CheezIts on the floor.

Get gas - have a mild heart attack ($3.79-really??) - proceed to Wally World where a man offers me $200 for Macy and I suggest he take a look at the five year old instead.


Then I get the essentials - beer & diapers.  Then head to preschool to pick up Kami who has transformed, for the moment, into an angel.

Vaseline Baby

"Flys in the vasoline we are
Sometimes it blows my mind
Keep getting stuck here all the time..."  sometimes this kid blows my mind  :)

(lyrics from the Stone Temple Pilots)

Trippin'

(Road trippin' that is)
I (and the hubs) see way too much of the hwy.  I have driven it for about 12 yrs. at least once/month to take my lovely eldest to meet her dad, in addition to driving for my job.

So, as it was the last day of spring break & we were "doing the pickup" on Sun, we decided to be brave (and somewhat stupid) and take the little ones with so we could do The Merry Go Round (yes, this is a title, to the kids) & Chuck E. Cheese.  We left during naptime, which is iffy in the car.  But, little one did grand - asleep within 15 min.  Yay!!  Relief!!  We pass the usual hwy scenery:  deer carcass, outhouse, cows peeing in the fields (kami loves this)...and, for you locals, the lady at the pig farm who has the gaudy Easter display.

 I kept signing to the nearly 5 yr old to shut her eyes - no kidding she shut her eyes like a good girl within ONE freakin minute of us having to come to a complete, dead, unwanted stop right on the hwy.  Now, my other two would immediately awaken upon a dead stop - however, little one stayed asleep thank goodness!  Of course, 5 yr old's eyes popped wide open.  We can barely see over the hill but there is a bad accident involving a motorcycle.  The winds were super bad that day, so we thought that might have caused some of the prob.  Turns out this young guy crashed into the back of a car attempting to turn off the hwy - he totaled his bike & was taken to the hospital and the lady drove off in her beat up car.

Soooo, after sitting still for about 10 min., daddy-o puts the van in park - making the doorlocks "CLICK."  I must add here that I am totally hypersensitive to sounds when the kids are sleeping.  Like abnormally so.  Doesn't wake baby.  We FINALLY get going.  Ambulance comes towards us (mind you, both lanes of traffic are way over onto the shoulder - one side stopped, our lane barely moving) and decides to LAY ON the dang horn, at which point Kami blurts out "she's awake!"  Baby wakes.  Mommy curses.

Once we gained speed, she fell back to sleep while 5 yr old and I give each other the stare down.  Until I win.  THEN (recall the van stuck in the mud story?) dried up mud begins flying off the wheel wells (is that what you call it?) LOUDLY every so often.  That didn't wake either child.  Nor did the turn signals on my very signal happy hubby (who also likes to pass).

At this point, we are anxious to make up time so we can get just a little bit of shopping in before kiddy play time.  Ends up there's a motorcycle in front of the car in front of us.  He is going verryyy slowly (can't imagine why - after seeing the mangled bike) and the stupid car in front of us is tailing him - thank god we didn't see another wreck.

We had enough time to shop - but the kids acted like houligans so we got what we went there for and left for the promised Merry Go Round ride.  It...was...closed.

Went to get a rball glove - the younguns working at MC Sports were too busy talking, so I put (threw?) the glove down on the counter & grabbed the kids who were grabbing at the gum display, and left the mall altogether.

We made it home ok (thanks to candy and a dvd player) except when the babe started crying on the way home b/c she wanted to "go back to Chuck E. Cheese!"  Real tears.

The Curse of the Minivan: Take Two

Actually, it should be at least Take Three (we had to have it towed - big bucks $$$ - b/c I lost the keys- sorta - that is a whole other blog post).
So, thanks to our neighbor w/a massive 4 wheel drive truck, we finally got the stinkin van out of the mudpit in the back, leaving massive chunks of mud & grass all over the place - on the new swingset, ALL over out and in the van (it's a dried up disaster on the floormats, carpet...) - there is so much in the wheels it shook on the way to the carwash.
So, speaking of the carwash...Kameron went w/daddy (he, thinking she wanted to hang out w/him - she, really wanting to watch a dvd all by herself/without a toddler tagging along).  Hubs hops out of the van to begin the cleansing process, leaving the keys in the ignition so Kami can watch Macy's Sesame Street movie (funny b/c I assumed she wanted to watch one of her movies vs. a "baby movie").  Somehow, all the doors lock!  Kami was still buckled in her carseat.  Daddy freaks.  He motions for her to lift up on the lock.  After about five minutes, which seemed like an hour, she was able to reach the lock to open her door!  That episode was about five minutes from a call to the cops to unlock the van.  Just one mini minivan disaster after another!