The Week From A Place Not Of This World.

Well, the longest two weeks in my mama history recently came to an end.  Hubster went out of town for the second time in 4 wks for work.  The week long trip to Fla. turned into a two weeker!  He had a difficult enough time himself w/long flight delays & crabby "customers."  I had a difficult time w/long summer days and crabby kids = crabby mom.

Not only did he take the only tube of adult toothpaste - leaving me w/Hello Kitty Buzzing Bubblegum, but drove off w/my stinkin' time sheets for work in his car - parked at the airport 2 hrs. away.  Guess I won't be mailing those on time OR getting paid on time.

The hardest part is being separated from my soul mate for so long, of course.  NOT the being left at home 24/7 with ALL three kids - not to mention the shopping, transporting, watering garden, butt-wiping, cooking, cleaning & laundry.  Wait - how is that part different than any other week?  Ouch to the hubs.  JK - right?  Seriously, there is help with the other set of hands and I missed that BIG time!

In theory, summer has a romantic feel to it.  Long, relaxed, care free days...time spent w/the kids all to yourself - no sharing of them to school.  Watermelon, swimming, lazy nights on the deck.  Hit the brakes!!  More like whining, fighting, the can't play outside b/c of the stifling hot weather, "I'm bored," stinky, tick-infested dogs, big, bossy carpenters' bees in your face, me getting into a swimsuit in public, running one kid to T-Ball practices (while chasing the little one onto the field as they stop all action as you race across to grab them), the other to tennis - all in the hotness.  About my only reprieve is that of driving to see my clients (which are children) for three hours/week listening to my own mindless music such as The Beastie Boys or Red Hot Chili Peppers.  Throw in a little Prince and there's the cream on top!

After about three weeks into "summer vacation," and I feel like I have already flown over the cucu's nest  (if you haven't seen that Jack Nicholson classic, you gotta check it out!)!

A recent naptime consisted of the 5 year old getting up 4-5 times.  "Where's my baby Zhu-Zhu, I can't sleep, I'm thirsty, I've gotta go poop."  It could possibly be related to the fact that she got up at 4am b/c she had a bad dream.  She ended up in bed w/me.  30 minutes later, just I'm finally about to drift back off, two year old tooger comes across the monitor.  All three of us end up together.  Again, in theory - what a sweet & loving moment - all cuddled up together snoozing. Yea, right.  Macer had her hands all over me again - nothing like getting felt up by your two year old.  No....sleep...til...Brooklyn.  I pop my blood pressure med w/a swig of coffee and start another day.

I'll try to break down the rest of the week's antics in short bullets:

BY FAR Number One:  Teen backs up the septic ALL over the laundry room and bathroom w/tampons - this is a blog on its own that will post soon.

*Forgetting to take the teen to her $100, three day volleyball camp.

*Two year old spitting spitty chewed up crackers into the small crevices of the nice stranger's Bass Pro bamboo mat, running onto the field, lying on the ground at T-Ball.

*Listening to the thud of a metal bat hitting the two year old's head b/c her sister is trying to hit the cicadas out of the tree (right as I was distracted by taking a call from my hub-who freaked out & called back b/c I hung up on him saying "Macy just got hit in the head by the bat!").

*Waking up (after interrupted sleepless night) & noticing large amount of hair are falling out as I brush my hair (which is now dark brown w/white highlights - thank you hairdresser god for your coloring gift).  And what about these undies that don't quite cover the area they used to?  And the zits at THIS age?

*Cleaning up cups of spilled milk - when we are out anyway and I don't want to lug them to WMart.

*Open the HOT van up as 5 yr old screams (and screams) "I'm too hot!!"  Two year old follows suit (maybe I should start the car in advance - no, that takes brain power).

*Lugging three crankster kids to WMart to get said milk replacement- who argue, cry, attempt to stand up in the cart, want to buy this & that AND the other.

*Trying to carry on a sign language conversation w/a friend of mine with my two year old screaming in the cart and friend backing up, knocking the feminine pads off the shelf.  We also had some in our cart - as the teen was too embarrassed to have them in her cart.

 *Finding the cat has been in the garage for hours - wonder what special places she has found to deposit her poo.

*Letting the dog out of her crate in the morn, to find she has made a deposit - a very large deposit w/about the worst scent EVER.  (Note:  this dog is for sale-seriously-see picture-isn't she adorable-don't you want her?)

*Killing time & spending unnecessary money at the resale shop while teen plays tennis in the heat, as the owner tells me how to make (requires sewing, effort, etc.) a cool neckwrap for the tennis teen.  I politely listen while laughing in my head at the mere idea of something requiring time & effort, all while my little ones are racing each other through the store - next to the "no touch breakables" and while "trying on clothes" together in the dressing room.

*Mealtimes of "Get your fingers out of your nose while you are eating," "Sit down," "Quit throwing your sippy."

*Waking to crying babe at 6:45ish and noticing that 5 yr old has taken it upon herself to unlock the front door, go outside in her nightgown and hunt for bugs.  "But I think Fuzzlenut (the cat) scared them all off."

*Rushing to get home to meet my dad at my house when there is a huge moving truck jackknifed right in the road so we can't get through - he's stuck for a longgg time so about four neighbors drive down a neighboring house & past a barn in the field to cut across to our road.

*Driving to a home for work (in a hurry) and there is a large calf right in the middle of the road that I try to dodge while then dodging a huge snapping turtle.

*Having the two year old tell me "calm down, mom."

Oh - and there's nothing like poop in a Pullup.