Spring Break Has Sprung A Leak

As if having three lovely little ladies home from school for spring break with the crappiest weather (Macy has been saying "sun, wake up!") isn't enough, the hubs decides to, while not planning to, add to the drama by pulling the big bad green minivan mama machine around the back to hook up our 6ft trailer.  He was playing the role of an excited kid, I suppose, so I can't be too upset (or can I - the possibility of ONLY ONE CAR until it dries out....loading all the kids up by 730 for school for one, work for the other, then kill time for an hour until it's time for preschool...).  He wanted to take our fully loaded full of crap junk stuff to the dump so he could load up a new four wheeler for a surprise for the girls!!

Well....he got stuck on the way to the trailer - IN BETWEEN the partially assembled (cannot complete due to the afore mentioned crappy weather) swingset and the Little Tykes playhouse!!!  He actually got out of that predicament after mommy watching a show of cursing (yes, you can tell certain curse words by teeth-lip placement) mud-flinging, shovel throwing madness.  After circling the swingset, he gets stuck AGAIN!!!  He pretty much gives up by this point.  Tries later by using his brand new riding mower (which reads THE TANK on the back haha) - yea, that didn't work.  You ought to see his clothes!  AND he hurt his foot and broke some tools in the process!  AND the steering wheel, etc is totally covered in mud!

And there the dang thing sits, with one of the front tires buried about 1 1/2 feet into the mud.

Totally Stolen Funnies for Moms

Ok - so MOST (certainly not all) of you can relate to the lovely changes our bodies take on after children (muffin top) and breastfeeding (maybe from a perky size 36C to a 64 Long?) and, well, just age.  I thought you might enjoy the following pieces (I hope you read all the way to the bottom - I found it very funny - hope you do, too!):


IMPORTANT MESSAGE
You've no doubt heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves... 

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs.  It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? 
I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans. 
And then the thieves struck again!

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts. 

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next? 

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and Me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted',
Look again - was it lifted from you? 
THIS IS NOT A HOAX - This is happening to women everywhere every night. 
WARN YOUR FRIENDS! 

PS. Last year I thought someone had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! 
But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband. 

I thought this was too 'important' not to pass on. Have a wonderful day - with a joy filled heart. 
Always remember to Laugh!! (it helps the heart AND the wrinkles!!) 

PPS. Those same thieves just came into my closet and shrunk my clothes!  How do they do that????  
===========================================

The following is an excerpt from an article entitled "dancing with the scars" in which the author, Taffy Akner, conveys the message to learn to accept our postbaby tummies.  She says the best way to overcome your fears is to expose yourself to it (right?), so she took up a belly dancing class.  Here she describes her pregnant bod:  

"my torso had turned into what was essentially the world's most disgusting smiley face.  Big, dark nipple eyes, a protruding belly button nose, and a swath of angry, red stretch marks, spreading from hip to hip like a joker's smile."

 I hope you enjoyed and have learned to love your bod - me, still working on that "love" part...

 

Even celebs have it!!

 

And it's only NOON??

After waking up numerous times throughout the night (my own horrible sleeping patterns, plus Macy Bea fussing off & on - & attempting to sleep w/her in my bed about 6am - with her putting her hand down my shirt, on my face, in my nose...well, her fingers anyway), finally get up to face the day.  The little ones & I are excited to attend a new playgroup at a Community Hall where we can bring ride on toys.  Perfect for a rainy, cold day.  Or so I thought.  I brought Macy and Sybil (let me refresh those who may not recognize my nickname for my middle child - Sybil is the name of a girl who had multiple multiple - yes I meant to repeat that - personalities) to the playgroup w/bike & push along hippo in tow.  Kami WAS so pumped.

We get inside, & she totally melts down.  I'm sure you readers (please, let there be readers) can relate.  Macy took off playing while "Sybil" (who is nearly five, mind you) hung onto my leg.  Now, I can't blame her at first.  She didn't even get to ride her bike when we got there before another young girl hopped on & took off.  I should have prepared my middle child for a sharing playdate, but just didn't think ahead.  Imagine that.  "I want to go home" was repeated more than once.  But, by the end, she DIDN'T want to go home - good lawdy.

We came home & had lunch.  I was, of course, expecting the kids to konk out & take an awesome nap.  But, just as we moms expect something like that, you KNOW it ain't happenin'!  Well, Macy hadn't had a BM for a couple of days (I was sure she would have one at playgroup), sooooo....when I go in b/c she is screaming in her crib I check for poo - it's a no-show.  So start reading to Kami (she has changed back into her namesake for the moment).  Macy continues to scream - you guessed it, poo.  Get her changed, she fusses a bit more, but finally settles so I can get Kami off to nap. 

Hate to share too much personal info, but as I am using the loo (and multitasking by sorting the mail), here comes Kam "you forgot to turn my butterfly lights on."  Well, dang it all.  Off she goes back to bed.  I decide I am soooo pooped (had to use that word again) that I am going to attempt a nap myself.  But, on the couch b/c I don't want to hear the puppy bark off my bedroom window.  I have a hard time falling asleep in general - my mind won't turn off I suppose.  After I have situated myself on the couch, I remember I have my cell phone on - get up turn to silent.  Re-situate myself by kicking the dog off the couch.  Start to drift a bit, then I hear the computer taking off - hubs & I joke to "sit back & enjoy the ride, the plane is taking off!"  That modem runs so stinkin' loud!!  Get up, turn the darn thing off, SO, re-re-situate myself w/my dolphin pillow pet (Kami just knew I wanted that for my bday).  Then, I start thinking, well, I haven't posted anything on my blog in awhile (b/c I NEVER have any dang time), this might be a good one.  Then I keep thinking of things to add - so I got up & let the plane take flight.
And, what do you know, Sybil got up 1/2way thru the post...

Celebrating St. Pat's

Going to the parade!

Green popcorn - yum-o!!

St. Pat's in Rolla is always an experience - no doubt you will see lots of crazies and/or drunks - no matter how early it may be!  We began the day with crazy MO weather - beautiful sunny day without jackets (freezing temps & snow to follow on Mon.)!  The hubby & I took the little girlies (the tween was too cool to hang w/us & spent the night w/a friend) to the parade downtown.  The one thing Kami was soooo excited for was green popcorn - she was so good while she & I stood in a long line to get it.  Little sister ate more than big sister though!

During the 11am parade, it didn't take long for a young drunkard to sway past.  He was bare chested and was wearing sweatpants low enough to "show off" his black Calvin's.   The hubs was holding Macy back from the road b/c the line of parade vehicles (a bit boring for the kids BTW) were getting a little too horn happy.  So, Macy looks at this young boozer and loudly says "nakey!"  Hubs decides to share this info w/the guy - who loves it - so there stands Hub chatting it up w/the drunk while holding little babe.  The guy shares a "big secret" (insert drunken finger to a shushed mouth) with Hub - that his name is Nate and he is going to be on the next Real World.  Hence his new nickname, "Real Nakey Nate."  (Note:  I apologize to any of my readers who don't appreciate this particular blog - please feel free to skip this one and don't hold it against me-now would be a good spot to stop!). While I'm planning on keeping the majority of posts kid oriented - my good blogger friend suggested I add the St Pats story - in part to show that moms need to get out more than once every 5 yrs or so!

Nakey Nate

After the parade, I bring the girls home while Hub stays & hangs w/buddy J.  I get the girls to sleep, Em's friend drops her off, I leave to join Hub.  This is a rarity, to say the least.  I NEVERish go anywhere (except work & the occasional WMart trip) without kids in tow and even more NEVERish go out on a date with Hub.  Friend J has a lovely pregnant wife who came to stay w/the girls later that afternoon. Sooooo, we have a few-ish beers & listen to music & hang w/friends & just enjoy our togetherness & freedom & the gorgeous sunshine.  Oh, and drunk people watching.  Here's where I re-introduce Nakey Nate.  He shows up, red eyed & pants hangin' even lower than they were earlier, and starts "dancing" in front of the band.  A couple of classy gals went up & snapped dollar bills into his drooping sweatpants band.  Oh, the stories go on...

Being from this town & Hub not, he is very used to people approaching me & talking at length.  All husbands love that, right?  So, this drunken gal approaches me & is very friendly (and I thought "I must know her") but then becomes VERY friendly w/hubs.  He plays along, thinking I know her (or so he says...lol).  She asks him to tie her broken beads in the back - when he pulls on them, she does the nastay (to steal from my good bud Lisa) butt dance to him.  Ok, it's now clear we totally don't know this chic!!!

Fifi looking for missing mommy.

"Where's my mommy?"

Moving along...we also joined a good friend of mine (we'll call D) who was supposed to be at her house to drop off her doggie & for me to pick up after the parade - wellllll, let's just say she decided to stay at the Pat's festivities with Fifi (made up the name - but I think you can better picture the white fluffball w/that name).  HER friend type person is also there, who is beyond intoxicated.  D decides she needs to use the Jane On The Spot so another friend of mine and myself take turns holding Fifi, until D's bud stumbles over & takes her.  The sight was cracking me up - he could barely see straight and was somber faced letting Fifi lead him around, strutting her green doggie shirt.  The nice friend I'm hanging out w/decides to call her son to come do a doggie pickup & deliver her back home while her "mommy" parties awhile longer!

Mustard mouth.

The most common thing being consumed was beer, the second mustard.  Plenty of hot dogs & brats to be had.  We watched a poor guy behind us eat a huge brat in about three bites - the mustard was allll over his face.  Guess we shouldn't have laughed too hard - b/c then our good bud "J" ended up w/it on his upper lip area.  But - funnier than the mustard was the sight of my friend D (doggie's mom) doing the mom trick of wetting her finger w/her spit then wiping his face!

Yay - we are out together for once!  Note the dude behind my shoulder - the drunk doggy walker. 

Cool "Jay-Zee"

Does this really need a caption?

There were so many other funny moments (like when D and I ordered hot wings and she kept telling them she wanted a dozen, every time - and it took 3 or 4 times of them asking her if she wanted 10 or 20 - no, TEN or TWENTY are your TWO choices) - but if I add them, I'll never get the post finished!

PS  Let's watch Real World & see if Nakey Nate was telling the truth- I bet Macy will remember him - well, if he has no shirt!

WHEN is Wednesday going to end??

Wow.  Wednesday was the longest day I've had in awhile!  Handling these three girlies on my own is challenging to say the least!  Kudos to the single moms, esp. the ones who have more than one!  The morn was nuts - but what's new - loading all the kids into the van by 730 - then argue in the car as to who gets to listen (or watch The Little Mermaid) to what.  The girls took lousy naps - as I was trying to type for a blog post, of course.  Soooo.....had planned on having a speech session while the tweener bopper watched the other two.  Waiting, waiting for the bus.  It finally arrives at 4:40!!  Turns out the brakes went out on the bus!!  How reassuring that they keep these big-arse vehicles maintained for our childrens' safety - esp. when mine has to be on the highway.  I ended up resched. the speech visit.  Come back in to find the darn dog has been peeing and pooping in Macy's room ON HER CLEAN CLOTHES and the POTTERY BARN RUG!!!!  Ewwww - I was soooo ticked.  There was even poo on a little stuffed animal - just the tail, though.  And, there was more - one large spot ended up on the blanket I lay Macy on every night after a nice, clean bath!  Today I found another dollop on my adorable diaper container thingy.  Talk about the gag reflex.  The girls were nuts at bedtime, too - it was like having two newborns!  I hope somebody got some sleep out there.

Dream Weaver

Hahaha!!  Macy had a visit from her Parents As Teachers Educator this morning (while, of course Kameron tried to steal the show) and we got on the subject of dreams.  Let me preface this with the fact that my husband is away on business this week, again.  I mentioned to Ms. Susan that I had a dream a couple of nights ago that there was this huge snake chasing me.  She informed me that she took a dream interpretation class and "the snake dream" has underlying sexual meaning!  That cracked us both up, mainly b/c of the hubs being gone.  She (in a roundabout way) mentioned I should tell him I've been having sexual dreams about him.  But, it gets even better.  I told her that my husband was in the dream, taming the snake by putting a rubber band around its mouth so it couldn't get me!  She said "aha - vasectomy!"  Which, BTW, we have been discussing since we have three kiddos and I'm now IN my 40's.  We are just waiting to meet our medical deductible!  Which may not take too long, as both the little girls have had "procedures" already this year.  That is another post, though!
I hope you got a kick out of the story and feel free to make any comments/contributions!!  I wonder how many of you have had similar dreams.

Finally!

For months now, I've been saying (and my sweet friends have been suggesting!) I am going to start a mommy blog detailing my crazy days (and the nights, oh the nights!!) with my three daughters, who are nearly 13, five, and two!  First of all, I love making people laugh - even if it's at my own expense.  Secondly, it's a great way to keep track of my life in a written form.  I have baby books, journals, scrapbooks...all of which remain mostly blank.  I haven't even printed pictures (and believe me, there are PLENTY - thinking tax refund will be going to pay for pics!) since before Christmas, much less blown the dust off a scrapbook - plus, I totally lack any scrapbook skills.  It has taken me so long b/c I'm chasing three kiddos and couldn't come up w/a cool blog name, I suppose.  One was along the lines of "A mom who needs wine...and sleep."  Another was "Mama say, mama saw" - for Michael Jackson's song-correct lyrics- "Ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa Ma ma se, ma ma sa, Ma ma coo sa," which brings back a memory of when I was driving w/my husband, without kids, and was getting into the song a little too much, as I ran into the median.

So, I'm totally thrilled to have gotten off my butt (well, not literally, as I sit here punching the keys while sittin' on me arse) and at least started it up - I just hope I can keep up w/postings!!  Dangit - I won't be able to post one now, as the kids are waking from their naps, then off to pick up the tween & play racquetball. 

Thanks in advance to any and all "followers" - I would be honored & hope you can relate (though, for your sake, at a much lesser degree) and have a few good laughs!!