Much Ado About Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day to all.  The weather finally wasn't rainy!  Wish it would've been this nice for the girls' birthday parties which were held (Em) and supposed to be held (Kam) at the park - instead I was scrambling to clean a total wreck of a house, shower, stuff a pinata, decorate, etc. at 7am for a 930 am party!

Wake up (well, for the fourth time or so) to Kam busting in "I want to show you something w/my Zhu-Zhu pets!!!"

Anyway, we decided to go to Meramec Springs after naptime today.  We got through a messy egg breakfast (no milk spilled THIS time tho) during which Macy kept throwing her sippy cup.  The teen kept handing it back but soon tired of the game and gave it to her one last time saying "now, are you going to drink responsibly?" 

I make a stab at selling our puppy on Facebook, the teen begs for a guinea pig, then some nagging to her about her ridiculous room that vomited loads and loads of laundry & some mysterious candy wrappers.  Some breaking up of toddler fights (if Kam wears a 5T is it still toddler?  One of my childless friends asked me once when Kam was 4 if she still wore a 3Tall - not knowing what the T stood for), and doing some of the usual household chores.  Emily makes fun of my tank top which offers no support, apparently (and later told me my pits looked like cottage cheese, b/c of the deodorant-let's not talk about the large curd on my thighs).  


I pack some olives & chips for dinner (ok and some bread & meat) & off we go to "feed the fish."  The fish weren't too hungry after the crowds that had already been through.  After nearly dropping the camera in the water (caught it JUST in time), I noticed the rocks had tons of snails clinging to them.  Kam thought that was awesome. 

Snails on a rock.

Guess which girl didn't like the water?

The water was really high and Kam was upset - she wore her Dora swimsuit so she could get in (tho it was icy as heck!).  As we are walking, Em asked me if I had peed my pants.  With the bladder of a chic who has birthed three children, that was not a far fetched question.  However, it was due to Miss Macy & her wet feet as she had begged me to carry her.  Nevermind we had a Kelty Kid backpack and a stroller!!

 We had literally JUST put the gear away at the top of the hill, walked back down to the play area & Em tells me Macy had pooped - there was no doubting that after the wind changed - wafting the scent through even our allergy-clogged nostrils. I had only brought one diaper and we were down to two wipes from using them on dirty hands & faces.  Thank god that was (sorta) sufficient - clean enough butt to last until bath time and there were no more explosions.


To the sound of a gazillion or so cicadas and the nearby smell of a rotting rodent, the kids played at the crowded play area for awhile before heading home.


Back at home, Emily informs me (w/somewhat red eyes) that her boyfriend of 4-5 wks. has broken up w/her.   I gave her extra attention w/choc chip cookie dough ice cream & watched TV w/her.  Three hours later she is posting on Facebook that she is "in a relationship" - with a totally different guy - who happens to be the ex's best friend and the ex broke up and ends up dating one of Em's friends.  Oh the teen drama - and this is just the beginning!

I have a hairy belly just like daddy!

Dirt, watermelon, shell necklace-ahh summer!

Just enough time left for some watermelon.  Daddy-O (who opts for peanuts) doesn't put a bib on Macy and she has already chomped into a large piece and has juice all over her clothes.  I strip her down to her diaper.  She then gets a red stained belly, at which point she decides to pick up the long haired cat and the hairs get stuck all over the sticky watermelon residue.  Said cat later brings a dead mouse onto the new welcome doormat, leaving blood on the "L."  It had already been broken in by the blankity blank dog peeing on it on yet another rainy day.

Next is bath.  I put both little ones into the tub together.  Kam gets in, then realizes she has to pee.  Sits on the pot soaking wet and gets TP stuck in her butt.  Then I notice she has taken a couple of shelled peanuts into the tub and thrown the shells on the floor.   I leave for a minute, come back, and the shower curtain is pulled shut and Kam is saying "don't see our boobies!"  Then she tells Macy "get my boobies!"   And Macy "booby, booby!" 

I kiss my five year old, tell her goodnight & she replies with "good night poopy pinata!"

Speaking of party items, Kam's giant horse balloon ended up in the master bath and stared me down, swaying, every time I had to go pee in the middle of the night.  Weird.

"48 Hours"

 The first 24:  Sundays are supposed to be relaxing, right?  A day of rest.  Not at this house.  I had a coughing babe next to me most of the night and was finally snoozing at 7:30 am when my eldest is about 1/2" from my face in the loudest "whisper" I have ever heard "Mom...mom...the dog is in the woods and is yipping like she's hurt."  I slowly & cautiously sneak out of bed so as not to wake baby and put my new $3 sunglasses on and go outside w/her to find the blankity blank dog.  Yes, she is yelping - as she has treed the neighbor's cat.  Great.  I'm sure she not only woken that neighbor, but also the working couple who have no kids and it was one of two days out of the week they can sleep in.  After 15 minutes of yelling at the dog, starting the four wheeler (which she loves to chase), and finally "do you want a treat?"  (Yea, your treat is gonna be a doggy-arse whoopin') - she finally emerges.  Sweating & heart pounding already at 8am - no coffee involved.  No doggy treat involved.

It's usually "Syrup Sunday" - daddy making pancakes.  I decide to chill on the couch (w/coughing children) and enjoy the one day I don't do bfast.  "Where's the pancake mix?"  Crap.  I manage to get my pooped (not poopy - that's Macy) butt off the couch to find a muffin mix.  Hubs says he'll make them.  Great idea, in theory.  He decides to dump in some real blueberries (in their natural juices).  They came out mushy and very, very, very blue. In the meantime, Macy gets tired of waiting & grabs some crackers, which she ends up spitting and dropping/mashing all over the floor - and the all of a sudden picky dog doesn't vacuum them up.  Kameron gave up and brought her milk into the living room.  Macy dunked Kleenex in it.  Kam screams, then we all sit down to eat daddy's creation.

I decide it's a good day to open up the sandbox on the deck & get the kids outside.  It's covered w/a tarp, which I remove, only to find the sand swimming in lots of rain water and mossy looking junk.  Em comes out & announces there is a lizard - "oh, where?" I ask (I am super squeemish about cold-blooded, slimy, creepy, crawlies and I'm barefoot).  "Right there, by your foot."  NASTY 1/2 tail cut off, pale looking thing right THERE - yuk!  I did the jump & scream while Em cracked up and ran to the computer to post to her friends on Facebook.

The day goes on.  I do chores w/the kids underfoot while the hubs mows.  I see Macy gnawing on some cashews and spitting them on floor- after I had mopped for the first time in weeks.  As I am getting my pj's on later that night, a single little cashew falls out of my bra onto the floor.

Hub ends up sleeping w/coughing Kameron (who talked in her sleep the whole night "Macy, Macy, the bees are coming!") and Macy had me up all night coughing & crying.  I woke up looking like the gorgeous actress Charlize Theron - in her role as "The Monster."

The Second 24:  Monday.  As if that doesn't say enough.  My hubs usually takes the tween to school in the morns, but this week it's my duty.  Which means getting all three kids and myself into the van very, very, very EARLY.  I stupidly promised the kids donuts on the way to school - leaving even earlier.  A toddler-type fight broke out when we got home b/c Macy had picked the sprinkles off Kam's donut when she was wandering about the house when she was supposed to be eating (do your kids do this - I am constantly "Kameron, sit down and eat"-repeat 20 times per meal).

Next for quality time w/the girls.  Super idea of planting together.  Well, Macy gets her clothes totally covered in dark, dark, dark soil-mostly from sitting in the flower beds after she has dipped her hands in the dirty rain water bucket and gotten her clothes nice & wet so the soil sticks nicely-then walks on the plants (while Kam yells at her) while I am attempting to let Kameron dig a hole.  Move to the swingset where they both start whining (Kami-"I can't do the monkey bars-screaaammmm" - Macy - "swing slower"-which means faster).  Back to the house for a nice round of time out.  Outside plan aborted.

I am longing for the kids to take a nap.  However, at this point it is thundering and both kids have this "kennel cough" they can't seem to kick.   Sooooo, Kameron begs for all of us to sleep in the "big bed."  I give in - knowing Macy won't sleep through the thunder unless she's w/me anyway.  Disaster strikes-Kameron is  coughing and kicking, Macy is practically lying on top of me, I'm inhaling her blonde fluff - except for the back tendrils which are slightly damp w/sweat due to our close proximity, AND she is breathing like a Sleestack b/c of her congestion.  Somehow, I still manage to just about nod off (which is a rarity for me - but a woman can only take so much exhaustion) when kami pops up, "I need a Kleenex" loudly which also made Macy jump.  Kam ends up not taking a nap.  I get super uber duper cranky w/her and she loses her most beloved pastime - TV.

Since the nap has failed me, I decide to do one productive thing - call NY&Co credit card to beg them to take off the $25 late fee - as I have forgotten current payment.  Success (hey - there's one thing in 48 hrs).  Then I head to Macy's room to do something (I probably forgot what it was when I walked in, too) and see another freakin frackin wet yellow circle of DOG PEE on the white spot (yet again) of the Pottery Barn rug (I only mention the brand name - which I got off of a local Craig's List - b/c you know how ticked I was that it wasn't just a KMart 3X5)!!!  

Cursing ensues plus a mild dog lashing and a toss outdoors - in the rain - for a long while.  I pass the sliding glass door - laughing at her and saying NO (ok - I put that on a little thick-don't call ASPCA - but consider DFS - JK!!).  Kameron thinks out loud "maybe she saw the flowers & butterflies on the rug and thought she was outside mommy."  That ain't saving that dog's butt.  Then Macy cries (from tall bed all alone) & Kami rescues her.  Only to have her come back & scream & cry as I am attempting to remove the stain (to no real avail) with the 500 lb. steam vac.  I should know by now that when it thunders & rains (it pours - haha) this scaredy cat dog won't pee outside - must remember to toss her ever so gently into the grass next time to make sure she pees. 

Haul the kids into town after "nap" as we shall call it so I can play a crappy game of racquetball (I'll blame it on being so pooped).  After one particularly bad, missed shot, I told my opponent, "I am going to cry now - been wanting to all day!"

Back to pottying stories:  Macy decides to completely fill her diaper as I am preparing a gourmet dinner of leftovers (on my own since hubs is working).  During the process, she sticks her finger in "the area", attempting to help me wipe her.  Great.  Now I'm wrestling w/the poop mess and get a nice brown smear on my forearm.  I plop Macy in her highchair.  Just today I have decided I'm sick of her tray that she constantly throws off onto the floor, 1/2 full plate & all, so I take it off and push the chair up to the table. You know, where her full plate is sitting.  She kicks the plate - onto the floor - of course.  Yet another plan failed.  She was very proud of herself, as well - wondering if any lesson was learned as I told her NO.

A friend once called me Superwoman and I laughed - but after having a sick kid on my leg while cooking & cleaning and listening to the 4 year old talk about toots & poop and fighting w/her sister(s), and while administering time-outs, well, I think I own that title.

Needless to say, an early bedtime was had by all.  I dispense the dark, dark, dark purple nighttime coughing med to Kami in bed.  She spills the entire dose on her new comforter.  Mommy has wine and chocolate while watching mindless junk on the (cashew) boob tube and hits the hay.

BTW, these posts are becoming few & far between - I have been interrupted numerous times by all three kids - who are either supposed to be napping or at bedtime - and as I'm editing, it's thundering at one of the two times it always thunders - naptime - but I ain't givin' up - thanks for "following" me - hope you are enjoying  :-)

Waffle Wednesday & The Dr. Office

As it is Wednesday, waffles were served for breakfast.  Macy ate 1/2 and threw the other 1/2 on the floor, which the dog devoured.  Kam complained about not having enough syrup, of course.  Then off to drop items for the semi-annual Just Between Friends re-sale sale.  I left the girls in the van watching a movie while I unloaded numerous containers for "inspection" by Mrs. Eagle Eye - she found stains I still can't spot on a few clothing items (which I painstakingly priced, tagged & safety pinned - not to mention the ordeal I endured trying to obtain hangers from JCP - I had to meet a friend/JCP employee in the darn parking lot of Panera to do a "hanger deal" so she wouldn't get in trouble at work!!).  It took awhile to go through the process, so when I got back to the van, I praised the girls on how good they were.  Until I noticed Macy had pulled out nearly every tissue from a box of what HAD to be 5,000 or so.  And Kam whining, as I pull off, that Macy had thrown her bunny somewhere and WHY wasn't I retrieving it NOW???

The race is on to get to Macy's Dr. appt. on time - b/c you know the doc is ALWAYS on time, right?  She has a rash on her feet & I'm thinking it may be poison ivy.  We pull in, my cell rings, it's a friend waiting on us at the park for our pre-scheduled playdate!!  Crapola.  She was totally cool, as other mommies were supposed to come, too - but they didn't show either!  Then I open the automatic side door to get Macy out (after I found bunny) to find Macy's "baby" stuck in the metal contraption (see pic - note the somewhat cleaned up tissue area) - thank goodness I was able to push the door close button and grab the naked thing before she was decapitated or ruined the door!

We walked in the office at precisely 930.  Our insurance sucks (even though my hubs works for a healthcare Co!), so I ask if the visit can be charged as a well baby exam since we have a 2 yr old checkup sched. in 3 wks.  Insurance Co. won't let them until she is technically two...grrrr....

The waiting room wait wasn't bad.  Then we get to... the exam room.  I got the pleasure of entertaining both little ones for 50ish? minutes - oh joy.  After giving them crackers (crumbs EVERYwhere), watching them hang on the medical trashcan, spin on the stool and screw it up & down, watch Kameron bend over & hike up her skirt announcing "I tooted!", Macy singing "Happy Birthday Poop Poop", have them hop from colored square to colored square as I name the colors to keep them occupied (for approximately four minutes), watch Macy take her diaper off three and three more half times, watch Macy dig in my purse-tossing coupons, and bark the command "no, don't do that" about 103 times, in walks our fav doctor (true statement or it wouldn't be worth the wait) to announce "just use over the counter hydro cortisone cream."  Mild cursing at myself in my head ensues.

 As we exit the building, the aroma of bbq-ing meats swirls up my nostrils & teases my hungry belly.  I know my hubs loves the neighboring restaurant, so I call him for lunch.  He says he can meet us in 15.  I tell him "great, we'll just go across the highway & buy some chairs."  I thought I was joking.  We meet him in the parking lot of Bandana's and I show him the lime green chairs for the kitchen.  Luckily, Macy's sticky Safety sucker fingers hadn't gotten on them - as I'm sure they raked across that nice microfiber couch as we walked in.  No way to clean those paws as Macy has also yanked all the wet wipes out & they've long been dried up.

Lunch was typical of lunch w/children.  I call it a working meal.  Kameron took the sauce bottle & gave it a good squeeze, squirting a blop of it up & over the side - Macy copycats - onto her nice white shirt.  Then they play w/the knives, drop crayons & sippy cups under the table, Kam crawls under the table to get to my side - Macy copycats, Kam blows milk bubbles, Macy copycats...and on and on until we wolf our grown up lunches down so we can get the heck outta there.

Home for naps (after the girls run on the new chairs a few times).  Macy knocks off quickly.  I let Kameron stay up a little longer.  We need to do thank you notes for her teachers at Dayschool (tomorrow is her last day of "the four year olds!") - after the first lonngggg process of note #1 (she proudly and very patiently writes each letter for each word I give her - and TEACHER is a long word, mind you) - including sticker decorating on the envelope, she announces the next THREE teachers/helpers.  Naptime delayed.  Finally get her to go pee.  And, as usual, she pee-pees then stands up before wiping as it drips - no matter how many times I've told her to "wipe while you're sitting!"

I actually got a blog post in - yay!!!!

PS  Has my fly been open since I used the bathroom at Bandandas???

Keri Not Krafty

I awake to the usual toddler cry "mommy" at 6am, we snuggle (which consists of her putting her entire arm down my shirt and sucking her binky loudly in my ear) and SHE goes back to sleep for another hour (I held a cough as long as I could then had to let it out - she patted my chest in her sleep).  It's a preschool day and the last MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) meeting - so it's a bit frantic this morn.  However, it goes along fairly smooth for this place-the only setbacks were of Macy unrolling the toilet paper and taking her shoes and socks off and Kameron only threw a mild fit during dressing.

Today happens to be craft day at MOPS.  On a good day, my craftiness consists of having the kids cut out pictures from a mag & glue-sticking them to paper.  The activity for the day was making coasters by modge-podging (see - I don't think I even spelled it right??) scrap booking paper to tiles then (and I had to look up the spelling on this one and it took awhile!) shellacing over the top to set it.  First of all, Macy didn't want to go to the bbsitting room, so she was running around my legs & under the table.  I was slapping the glue all over those things then blow drying them (and shooting Macy w/it so she would tolerate the activity).  Globbed way too much on them.  *Then I notice the time & hurry to do the final step.  Well, another mom (I'll blame it on her) said "the can is right there."  So, I grabbed it and shot all four tiles heavily right there in the room.  OOPS!  Yea, we were supposed to do that OUTside...one of the moms got a tad cranky w/me about how everybody, including the babies and pregnant chic (who feigned choking)!!  Other moms came in later saying, "what stinks so bad in here??"  Whoops!  Leave it to me!

*Note - I just realized that wasn't the final step - I forgot to put the bottoms on the coasters!

We watched some funny utube clips, which the "leader" prefaced with "these may or may not be pee your pants funny," to which I had to comment to my neighboring mops mom "that wouldn't take much after three kids..." (i.e. peeing your pants).

We get home for lunch & nap and I run in to use the potty while the girls were supposedly playing on the porch.  I went out and they are both in the van.  After the safety lecture, I realize they had both stepped all over my shellaced works of art!  Oh well, they didn't look that great to begin with.

Kameron said she wanted to make PB&J for both of them.  Ok - that'll keep her busy while I make a call to order some pea gravel for the muddy pit around the swingset.  While on the calll, Kameron says "pea gravel?"  laughing ensues and macy repeats "pee-pee" then Kameron says "pea-head, pea-head."  (BTW, the guy won't bring it until our yard dries out - what a novel idea - reference to the van incident)  Then she drops Macy's pb bread on the tile.  Wipe it off - slap it on the plate - call it lunch.  Then Macy grabbed my sunglasses & got the lovely PB on them...

Run out to the van to retrieve forgotten milk sippy.  Set off the alarm - the windows were rolled down but it was locked - I reached in & hit the unlock button...guess that doesn't work.

Put Macy on the potty while she has her "binky buddy" in her mouth (a little stuffed monkey to which a binky attaches) and she drops it in the pot - luckily there were no bodily excretions in there yet!!

I get her laid down and kami finished up her milk by getting a big straw and decides to blow in it before (and during) drinking - making a very loud whistling sound - grrrr....

Kameron has gotten up three times already - guess she wasn't tired.  Poo.  And what the heck are all these cutouts from my mag w/eyeballs & faces doing all over my desk?