Monday, August 29, 2011

Ladies, All The Ladies...

Ok.  So, this will be the one & probably only blog that isn't about a harried day with the kids.  I will risk some humility at the chance to remind all of you lovely ladies to GET YOUR FREAKIN' MAMMOGRAM ALREADY!!!

I had my first one last month.  I guess the newest research shows that at age 40 you should have your first one and follow up every year.  Old news was age 35.  They say the small amount of radiation received outweighs starting them at that age.  HOWEVER, you should always do the ol' monthly checkup on your own.  You know the drill.  But, if you're like me, with kids howling or banging on the shower door, it tends to take the back burner!

NOT the right way!
Soooo, I knew something was up when slightly smaller righty got a third photo-op and lefty was left hanging.  Just when I thought the ol' smoosheroo was complete, I was directed to place right side back in the wringer.  The phonecall a few days later confirmed there was a suspicious mass.  Pardon me, but, oh shit.  Ok, so follow up with an appointment with A SURGEON!!  Lump went directly from breast to throat.

I waited "a coon's age" in the office.  She (thank god for the "she" part) was worth it and I had an awesome friend go with me.  We had plenty of time to try to make light of the situation, cracking third nipple jokes and such.  A nurse finally arrives and asks "are you still having your periods?"  Good lawdy - already thinking menopausal?  Thanks.

The surgeon entered & reported it was more than likely a benign (insert a titilating sigh of relief) knot called a "fibroadenoma."  It was only 2cm and I could not feel it (another reason to get the mammo gals!).  She gave me three choices - but omitted the first, which was to ignore it.  I ended up getting a biopsy later that week.  These results resulted in my friend & I going down the road to get a Bloody Mary (to which the young waitress fumbled over her words and said two murders coming up!).

THE BIOPSY:  Super hubs came along for moral support (or did he just want to cop a look-see - I mean, with three kids, the ol' gals don't get out as much).   I look up in the waiting room to see that one of the techs that is going to be prepping my booby was a high school friend and the other a young male.  Yay.  Also, as we're walking back, I see another friend from school days.  She says "are you having another baby?"  All I could do was laugh out loud!!  She later came in & apologized - saying she didn't ask that b/c I LOOKED preggers, but b/c my hubs & I were together!  LOL again.  I'm sure it was just my big boobs.  Sure of it.

So, disrobe from the waist up, lie down, whip her out.  At least I got to place my arm behind my head, giving righty the added effect of lift.  After being asked, "you didn't eat or have any caffeine, did you?"  To which I replied - "just a granola bar and a small cup of coffee."  The surgeon told me NOT to NOT eat!  And, you know I gotta have a cup of coffee!

Then I get briefed on the details while being rubbed with betodyne (which is, ironically, about the same shade as a nipple/areola).  So, as I'm lying there exposed, they report that the doc, who is usually there at 745 still isn't there at 815.  Nothing like chatting with a young man (tech) while your booby is wide open getting cold, as I check to see if he is keeping eye contact.

Doc finally enters, apologizing.  Bet he wasn't up getting three kiddos breakfast at the crack of dawn while worrying about his "moobs."      

Obvsiously, I was numbed, then he made a super small incision then used this funky and loud device (sounded like a stapler!) to extract TWO specimens.  I reminded myself to breathe 289 times during the less than seven minute procedure.

He was very nice and the school friend was super awesome.  And doc let hubs stay in the room.  I find myself saying "thanks" as is customary.  I later told hubs "thanks - thanks for cutting on my booby & sticking that big arse needle in it??"  I tell ya, after having your crotch exposed to numerous strangers three times during childbirth and now this - there is no modesty!

After the procedure, I call my friend (the one who went w/me to the first appt) to tell her "I just got my booby cut on."  She had an extreme reaction, which was odd, because she knew this was scheduled & what was happening.  She thought I said "I just got my booby cut off."
 
Next step - go back to see the surgeon for the results.  The report did not come back saying it was a "fibroadenoma" but that it did appear benign.  I'm thinking that was it.  Nooooo.  She wants me to get another ultrasound in a few wks. just to be sure the samples were indicative of the entire "mass" (all 2 cm of it)!

I have a friend who recently had a mastectomy and is currently going through chemo and radiation.  She is a brave young mother of three who is on top of things, for sure.  Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and don't forget to take care of yourself - for yourself and your family and friends!

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